tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post3711654720381229751..comments2024-03-05T11:36:50.299-05:00Comments on Stand and Deliver: How do you know when you're done?Rixahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07908864785513937876noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-65244699425603330792013-02-23T15:07:54.899-05:002013-02-23T15:07:54.899-05:00Our three kids are about the same ages as your thr...Our three kids are about the same ages as your three, only a couple months difference. We are taking a longer break before #4, probably will start TTC when the youngest is close to 3. The youngest was an unplanned pregnancy, about 2 years earlier than we'd planned on. Last winter, when she was a baby, I really struggled and had to grieve that my plans had changed and what that meant. I went through a period where I wanted to take a long break (5 years) then have 2-3 more, even though we've always said we want just 4 kids. My husband is pretty adamant about no more than 4, and says he could even be talked into stopping at 3. I have worked through it and am now at peace with only one more baby, as long as I am ready when the pregnancy happens. I plan on weaning when my youngest is 2 (this summer), then giving myself 6-12 months to get my body back in shape before another pregnancy. It seems really scary and weird to move past the pregnancy, baby, and breastfeeding stage of life, but it's starting to sound exciting, not just sad to me. ~Aimee~https://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-15940947515144152492013-02-04T08:54:25.855-05:002013-02-04T08:54:25.855-05:00We're very definitely done. I have no relation...We're very definitely done. I have no relationship with my extended family and only had a half sister who's much younger than me; my husband comes from a large family. When we first started trying I loved the idea of growing my own support network for my kids and wanted a large family. And then I got pregnant. Baby #1 came with symphisis pubis dysfunction rendering me near-immobile at 10 weeks, and mild HG through the second trimester. Then she was a high needs baby. Despite all that I knew I wanted one more. Baby #2 came right on schedule but brought with him prenatal and postpartum depression, but a perfect HBAC. Plus I discovered that I'm not so fond of the newborn stage. Glad I went through it, but definitely preferring having a 3 year old to a baby. <br /><br />I'm 28 and in good health now, but pregnancy apparently brings me either debilitating pain or a strong desire to hurt myself. I don't want to risk what #3 could do to me. <br /><br />Bonus points, I'll be 46 when #2 graduates high school. We're homeschooling and by being done I'll be able to go to school and have a second career, most likely homebirth CNM, starting in my late 30s when I won't be dealing with little kids. Ashleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01741166832975924830noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-64461297765666090052013-02-01T12:59:57.392-05:002013-02-01T12:59:57.392-05:00We're in a mostly done(?) spot - we have 3, I&...We're in a mostly done(?) spot - we have 3, I'm 34. I've also been struggling with life, and some PPD. Although I love the idea of having another baby, and I guess I hope that we can have another one (or two) when I can get a handle on my mental health for while, we are done for now. Definitely bittersweet. But, I'm really enjoying going through baby stuff and getting rid of it. So freeing to have less stuff! <br /><br />We're using natural family planning, so it always leaves the door open for future babies. Carriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07835133269107084862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-42975877467199675352013-01-31T18:32:19.886-05:002013-01-31T18:32:19.886-05:00Husband and I coincidentally both wanted 2 childre...Husband and I coincidentally both wanted 2 children and talked about it before our marriage. I wanted 2 because it just feels like the right size. I am from a family of 2 children and so are a lot of the families of friends. My husband is one of 8 children and he felt that number overwhelmed his mother and she never had time for herself, so he wanted a smaller family. We have our 2 now and as bittersweet as it is to know this is my last baby, I also know it is the right decision. Besides our personal feelings for stopping at 2, there are also strong financial reasons not to have more. My husband is from Nigeria and we would like to take our children there from time to time. Right now, plane tickets for our family will run $8K-$10K. We will never be able to go if we have more kids.<br /><br />Oliviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01828516083662339236noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-34283416746279065842013-01-31T18:02:29.408-05:002013-01-31T18:02:29.408-05:00Being a SUPER fertile couple has been SUPER stress...Being a SUPER fertile couple has been SUPER stressful for me the last ten years! after our 3rd we felt full and overwhelmed and busy, but I knew that I wanted one more. Four kids has still been full, overwhelming and BUSY, but we were pretty positive that was the number for us so we scheduled my husbands vasectomy... the surprise, number five snuck in, while we were being careful, before the vasectomy could happen. So, NOW, we know for sure, this bonus baby, #5 is it! (I;m just a little paranoid that the vasectomy won't be enough!)AndreamShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03301366669031216030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-29348999134200226412013-01-31T07:54:52.907-05:002013-01-31T07:54:52.907-05:00I love TCOYF! I referred to it a lot when we were ...I love TCOYF! I referred to it a lot when we were trying to get pregnant with Zari. I wish I'd read it back when I was a teenager (not that I was sexually active at the time, but I wish I'd known more about my cycles). I hear she's written a book on the same subject geared towards teens, so that's one I'll definitely look into when Zari is a bit older. <br /><br />I'm just not okay using fertility awareness as a method of birth control. For several reasons: I have friends who used it (and the right way, not just the rhythm method) and they got pregnant both times when it should have been absolutely impossible for them to conceive. I also have a hard enough time wanting sex, so there's no way I'm going to either use condoms or abstain during the most fertile (and hence most enjoyable) parts of my cycle! Rixahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07908864785513937876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-5843732217287537452013-01-30T23:04:24.238-05:002013-01-30T23:04:24.238-05:00A fellow homebirth mama loaned me her copy of Taki...A fellow homebirth mama loaned me her copy of Taking Charge of your Fertility many years ago. http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Achievement/dp/0060950536 When I've needed to avoid pregnancy the knowledge I gained from that book (along with the NFP course I later took) have been all I've needed to avoid pregnancy when I needed too. It's certainly worth a read since you've got some time to decide before your wee one is due. The friend who introduced me to the idea of natural fertility control was not in any way religious, she just wanted to be as nature oriented and DIY as possible. NFP of course is strongly connected to my religion, but I'll forever be grateful to my "flower child" friend for the wealth of knowledge she passed on to me. Angoraknitterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15352728587683485241noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-41001252452815925652013-01-30T21:37:27.486-05:002013-01-30T21:37:27.486-05:00We are still early in this process (our second dau...We are still early in this process (our second daughter was just born at the beginning of the month). I think that if she had been a boy, my husband might have been inclined to be done, even though I can't imagine only having two. I feel like I've just gotten started -- I can't imagine her being my last baby! But then, I grew up in a family of seven and he was to some degree an only child (he has two much younger half siblings). I envision us having four, but who knows. We have and are spacing them about three-four years apart so that is quite a while from now.<br /><br />I had a Mirena IUD put in at 9 months pp following my older daughter's birth. It wasn't fun to have put in, though not debilitating, and I couldn't ever feel it afterwards. I loved that I didn't have to think about it, and I never even had spotting, so that was a huge plus. When we decided we were ready for number two, I removed it myself (didn't feel a thing) and we were pregnant a month and a half later. As far as long-term, mindless, reversible birth control, I can't think of a better option. I'm not sure yet if we'll go the same route this time or if we will let things with number three happen as they will.<br /><br />http://www.amber-hinds.comAmberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07341421208612812345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-47517006062215019942013-01-30T17:52:18.339-05:002013-01-30T17:52:18.339-05:00Leslie, I've never heard any LDS woman express...Leslie, I've never heard any LDS woman express concerns about IUDs (or the pill) because of those reasons. Now, while I'm sure maybe there are individuals who feel that way, it's nothing you can generalize at all to our religious group. We don't really get worked up about abortion or related stuff, even though it's not commonly done in LDS circles except for rape, incest, health reasons, etc. I have no problems preventing implantation as well as fertilization--that's kind of the point of birth control! Rixahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07908864785513937876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-6001634035035943022013-01-30T15:57:42.772-05:002013-01-30T15:57:42.772-05:00I can so relate to exactly what you said! I worry ...I can so relate to exactly what you said! I worry that I will never know when I'm done. And we have the exact same plan - IUD in the short term to make sure we are ok with being done. And a vasectomy after a few years of being certain.<br /><br />I generally lean towards when in doubt, have one more. Might not be the best advice, but I always figure that in several years, if I have any regrets, its more likely to be NOT having a child than having a child. I have met so many people who wish they had had more, but didn't for whatever reason - probably just because its more acceptable not to have a ridiculous number of children. Haha. People who wish they hadn't had another child are pretty rare, it seems.<br /><br />We plan to have 4, but if its 4 boys, then we might try having a 5th. But I can't imagine having more than that. Caroline @ The Feminist Housewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14042647064869326025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-64027388969626728352013-01-30T15:46:16.748-05:002013-01-30T15:46:16.748-05:00I'm writing to ask a genuine question-- not to...I'm writing to ask a genuine question-- not to stir the pot. I've heard other LDS women feel hesitant about using an IUD because of the post-conception effects. i.e.: IUD is supposed to prevent sperm from reaching the egg, but if it doesn't, it prevents implantation. And thus they have a moral quandary about using them. Is this an oversimplification? I'd genuinely love to hear your thoughts.Lesliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18288233868734614390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-71447657595239119782013-01-30T15:40:35.104-05:002013-01-30T15:40:35.104-05:00Insertion was very uncomfortable, but not painful,...Insertion was very uncomfortable, but not painful, and over quickly. I had some period-like cramping for the next few days, and spotting for what felt like FOREVER (I used cloth liners and it was fine), and then in a few months I was period-free. I think the only possible negative side effect is a lower libido, but it's hard to know if that's the IUD or fatigue/stress!Laurenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11903428524066550435noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-56586328079635335402013-01-30T08:04:17.205-05:002013-01-30T08:04:17.205-05:00Hi Rixa
We have a 3 year old, a 14 month old and ...Hi Rixa<br /><br />We have a 3 year old, a 14 month old and I'm currently pregnant with our third. We didn't set out to have a glut of children, like you we simply didn't do anything to prevent them. <br /><br />Also like you I'm wondering if we should shut up shop. <br /><br />I've had the copper IUD in the past and while the insertion was horrible, the worst part for me was that I was always aware of it and it made sex uncomfortable so to me it's a question of "to snip, or not to snip". My husband that is, I think I've done my bodily part for our family.<br /><br />I waver between being "done" and wondering if there is room for just one more. For me it's very much a head/ heart thing. I always saw us as having 4, but I had heart failure during the last birth and it has made this pregnancy very hard work, and scary, because I don't know if one day I will wake up and my heart will have decided that pregnancy is too much hard work. Plus I'm 35 now and like you can see the benefits of moving onto the next phase of family life.<br /><br />For all of that I don't think knowing when you are done is a practical decision as much as an emotional one, especially for mums who nurse because that intimate physical connection is extended.<br /><br />Sorry this post isn't going anywhere, but I hope one day I will know and be at peace with that knowledge.<br /><br />In the meantime, good luck with the rest of the pregnancy and bringing this little one earthside.<br /><br />TashNat Ghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08424799085246705560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-32020750974372246152013-01-30T06:17:41.997-05:002013-01-30T06:17:41.997-05:00I have 2 sons, 22 months apart and there are days ...I have 2 sons, 22 months apart and there are days where I feel "not done" and days where I'm "definitely done"! I have the copper IUD (Paragard) right now. Insertion was not bad-- labor and birth prepared me well. :-) There was a sharp pinch/cramp during the prep for insertion and my bleeding/spotting lasted a long time afterward (~6 weeks). For the first few months afterward, my periods were heavier: 2 days of heavy flow where before I'd had only one, but no longer. They have since evened out to be similar to what I was used to. I'm also feeling ovulation cramping now when I hadn't before, but I'm not sure I can attribute that to the IUD! I chose the Paragard over the Mirena because I'm still nursing my youngest and wouldn't want to add any synthetic hormones to my body while nursing. <br />I know a lot of your previous comments have spoken on the Mirena, but not the Paragard! Good luck :-)purerandomnesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08506024682096792674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-61074547653044955582013-01-30T02:46:53.981-05:002013-01-30T02:46:53.981-05:00Mine talked to one of his friends who has had a va...Mine talked to one of his friends who has had a vasectomy, and his friend recommended vasectomy. One of his best friends is a physician, and I'm sure he's talked to him, too. He still doesn't want a vasectomy because he thinks he'll feel like less of a man. This attitude of his has also negatively impacted our sex life, no doubt, because in my opinion a real man takes care of his partner.Jennahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15537103195465319250noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-63972609125420705192013-01-30T02:33:20.104-05:002013-01-30T02:33:20.104-05:00We quit at two because:
1. My husband (the primary...We quit at two because:<br />1. My husband (the primary daytime caregiver) said, "Going through one more infancy will kill me;"<br />2. children have expenses associated with their education, care, and feeding, especially as they get older, and we have always been people of modest means with relatives in far-flung places - travel expenses if we ever want to see our families is a BIG issue for us;<br />3. my boys were born when I was 33 and a week past 36, and I can tell the difference in my energy level. I am not sure I'd have the energy for a third boy;<br />4. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be a tad disappointed not to have a girl if we tried for a 3rd and had another boy (more likely than a girl given that we are batting 2 XY);<br />5. it seems like tempting fate - I had great pregnancies, fantastic births, and two beautiful, smart, funny kids. I should be satisfied with what I have;<br />6. I want my pelvic floor to have some shred of integrity left. Two births seem (so far) like they were not a big deal, but again, I don't want to tempt fate;<br />7. zero population growth; the planet has SEVEN BILLION people on it, and collectively, as a species, I think we are already going down;<br />8. I decided that I could either go to school and become a CNM in a 3-year program, OR I could have one more child, but I am not woman enough to do both at the same time, and<br />9. by the time I am done, I will be 41, and I think that is too old for my body and my risk tolerance to be comfortable having another baby.<br />A little part of me mourns every month when I get my period and would secretly be just a little bit happy (but also FREAKED OUT about how much it would interfere with my current life) if I got pregnant one more time. I would love to carry, birth, and nurse one more baby if I were 7 years younger and had more time left on that fertility and healthy oocyte clock. But my husband got a vasectomy when our younger son was about 2 1/2 (last chance to do it while we still had health insurance!), so that door is closed/bridge is burned/tube is severed. But yay for not having to take pills or get shots or insert latex diaphragms and nasty spermicide and no piece of plastic residing in my womb!Katherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11955953773716387670noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-50249045913207152582013-01-30T01:52:01.783-05:002013-01-30T01:52:01.783-05:00I'm pregnant with #5 (due this summer) and I a...I'm pregnant with #5 (due this summer) and I am feeling like the cooked Thanksgiving turkey - just about done. There's just something so final about making that leap, though, but I kind of want to move on to the "next stage" as well. <br /><br />In fact Daddy told me (and anyone who asked if we were having any more) that he thought our four children were just perfect and he felt complete... right before I got the positive pregnancy result. Ha, joke is on him! He's excited now, of course, but I think we were both in a place of "If we don't have any more, swell! If we do, swell!" But after this one it might be time to evaluate our baby-making future. We'd really love to adopt so I don't feel like I want to birth anymore little ones myself even though I do love birth.<br />Joy@WDDCHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03709113785857792361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-64323698827599243572013-01-30T01:04:37.074-05:002013-01-30T01:04:37.074-05:00The copper IUD has been perfect for me. I've ...The copper IUD has been perfect for me. I've had friends with problems on the Mirena similar to the issues raised above--hormone swings, full year of bleeding, incorrect insertion, and a surprise pregnancy. The insertion feels like a pap smear.<br /><br />I'm done with four because of health complications with my last, but I'd give--not anything, but an awful lot--to have one or two more. I think it's a wise choice to use an IUD rather than sterilization until you do feel strongly, one way or the other. <br /><br />I don't know anyone who wishes a bonus baby hadn't come along, but I know several people who regret their husbands' vasectomies (especially, I think, when they happen during the fog of newborn sleep deprivation). Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12754749628409313759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-33567034202452075622013-01-30T00:01:15.230-05:002013-01-30T00:01:15.230-05:00I have two teen boys and we are biologically done ...I have two teen boys and we are biologically done (I'm 41). Sometimes I think there may be an adoptive daughter in our future, sometimes I think travel and other things are the next stage. <br /><br />I stayed on the fence about a third for many years. It was really financial stresses that made me hesitate, as well as other goals (career changes). However we left a little possibility open using the rhythm method (not NFP) for many years! It wasn't until I started nursing school and thought *not* now, that I had a Mirena placed. I love it! If you have ever struggled with menorrhagia as I did, the Mirena is a wonder. Well worth the irritating initial months of spotting. And more reliable than the Paragard.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01357364993755148614noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-6093168524019504812013-01-29T23:12:02.305-05:002013-01-29T23:12:02.305-05:00My husband and I are currently in disagreement abo...My husband and I are currently in disagreement about optimal family size. He wants to be done with the two we have now, and I'd really like one more (or at least not to make any decisions at this point) though intellectually I know that we'd be in a much better financial situation with just two. :(crystal_bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03492385706718880020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-62131022161753160312013-01-29T23:08:32.470-05:002013-01-29T23:08:32.470-05:00I always wondered the same myself after reading th...I always wondered the same myself after reading this blog for many years and getting small hints here and there of how long Rixa tried for. Always been interested too esp since the other 3 after Zari seemed to come so easily!! Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01598524571479954748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-54623310654104640972013-01-29T23:06:36.052-05:002013-01-29T23:06:36.052-05:00We had our first baby as a surprise! Even the day ...We had our first baby as a surprise! Even the day after I had him I knew I wanted more. To do childbirth, nursing, etc. all over again, I couldn't wait! We never went on anything either after I had him and I began cycling again when he was almost a year old. I thought it would be super easy to get pregnant but I was SO wrong. We TRIED (timing, everything) for 7 months until we finally got pg again (and I KNOW this isn't as long as it is for some people including yourself Rixa but for me I was really blown away and everyone who has TTC for any length of time knows that it gets old FAST!). Anyway, 6 days after that positive test I miscarried. We TTC AGAIN... 6 more months... finally pg again... I carried that baby until 6 weeks and 3 days and miscarried again.<br /><br />Soooo we are DONE. That's it. Suddenly I just felt that our family was complete with our little guy (he's now 2.5) and I haven't looked back. I don't know if we'll choose a method of permanent sterilization, but for now I am more than happy to continue avoiding using the Fertility Awareness Method as described by Toni Weschler in her book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". There is NO WAY I want to do anything hormonal (most are contraindicated for me) and the thought of having something like an IUD just totally does not set well with me at all! Condoms kind of suck but really with following FAM you don't have to use them your entire cycle (just when you are fertile) and knowing more about my body is really empowering, and the method is so easy it's well worth it. I'm only 27 now so if I choose to follow it until menopause I know it could be a long time.... but I really feel like it's the most natural thing for me to do. :)Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01598524571479954748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-87112721109766557552013-01-29T18:35:58.341-05:002013-01-29T18:35:58.341-05:00I had no idea you struggled with infertility. Did ...I had no idea you struggled with infertility. Did the IVF work? How did you conceive Zari. Did you ever figure anything out? I find peoples stories so interesting. I also find it crazy how many of us struggle with infertility. Bri!!!https://www.blogger.com/profile/00934051919575864988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-11027807385062463542013-01-29T17:13:44.489-05:002013-01-29T17:13:44.489-05:00Oh and I should add that my husband adores #3 too ...Oh and I should add that my husband adores #3 too and is so glad we have him even though he was "done" after 2. :-)Elanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16186955674662234580noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20642800.post-8046311705344078532013-01-29T17:12:15.540-05:002013-01-29T17:12:15.540-05:00My first 2 were very close together, 16 months apa...My first 2 were very close together, 16 months apart, tandem nursing, what felt like zero sleep for many many months. My husband said we were done early on after the second was born and I immediately mourned. I was an only child and wanted a big family, 5 kids or more. He was one of 4 and I kept begging but he was a firm no. So finally when my kids were 7 and 8 I got rid of everything but the crib (it was out of the way in the attic). When they were 10 and 11 I found out I was pregnant with #3!! We got sloppy with our birth control and got our bonus baby! He is now almost a year old and while I *think* I'm done I still feel a bit bad he won't have a close sibling like my first 2. But I will say I enjoyed every minute of my pregnancy/birth/and all the babyiness. In fact all of our friends are enjoying him too since our kids are now all 11 years old or older! LOL! No permanent methods for us at this time, I only have one tube from an ectopic and #3 isn't nursing so I'm currently on the pill. I will turn 40 this year, so I told myself I need to decide by the time this baby is 18 months if I really want another or if I'm truly done. I'm leaning toward done. <br />Elanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16186955674662234580noreply@blogger.com