Go into labor
Push out a baby
Nurse the baby
End of story
Birth Plan, slightly longer version
Go into labor
Ignore it for as long as possible
Walk
Sway hips
Sit on the birth ball
Get in the tub
Repeat as necessary
Please take pictures and videos
Most likely will be kneeling
Push out a baby
Catch the baby myself
Nurse the baby
End of story
Birth Plan, hospital version
Before you touch me or do anything to me or the baby, you will discus it with me and obtain informed consent.
If I decline something, which is entirely possible, treat me with respect.
You might want to know...
When I am in labor, I like to be left alone. If I need something, I will ask. Otherwise don't bug me.
If you have a question, ask my husband or midwife first. I like to be left alone.
I usually give birth kneeling or Captain Morgan style. I probably won't be on the bed. Be prepared.
If you want to take heart tones, you'll need a handheld Doppler. I will be moving around. A lot.
I will be eating and drinking if I am hungry or thirsty.
Don't offer drugs or ask me to rate my pain. Make up a number if you need to.
I catch my own babies and support my own perineum. Really. No touching me or the baby as it is emerging.
When I am pushing, stay silent and calm. Feel free to prepare a soft landing surface for the baby.
Baby is born, goes immediately on my chest, latches on, stays there indefinitely.
Umbilical cord remains unclamped and uncut until I feel like cutting it. Usually an hour after the birth.
No routine Pitocin or cord traction unless I'm hemorrhaging. My placentas usually take 1-2 hours to be born. Don't freak out.
Feel free to take pictures or videos. That would be awesome.
copyright @ 2011 by Rixa Freeze
It is great that you have such confidence with your birthing style and know your body's tendencies. My first birth was an emergency C-section so I am not sure what my body would have done otherwise. In some ways my second pregnancy feels like my first because I have no idea what to expect as I go to attempt a VBAC. Thank goodness I have a great midwife and doula to help me figure things out as my husband supports me. Blessings for your upcoming birth and growing family.
ReplyDelete*high fives Rixa*
ReplyDeletei wish i could have caught my own babies- by arms too short and babies to big to reach! lol
awesome!
ReplyDelete<3 it! Mind if I print and use as an example in my childbirth classes?
ReplyDeleteLove it, love it, love it!!
ReplyDeleteWell said! Love it!
ReplyDeletebeautiful, beautiful, beautiful!! xoxo
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if it's possible for me to LOVE this birth plan any more than I do. Love. DOUBLE love.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how possible it is to actually get the "hospital" version of this plan in an actual hospital. I'd love to witness somebody actually pull that off! Somehow "keep your shitting hands off me or my baby unless I tell you otherwise" gets lost on most hospital staff.
I screamed at my midwife because she just was not following any of my plan. Got me a visit with the hospital shrink before I could leave.
DeleteAww, I can only imagine the conniption fits that hospital birth plan would cause. I sure wish I could be a fly on the wall if you ever did have to use it. :)
ReplyDeleteDitto to what Kelley said. :-) Hee hee.
ReplyDeleteAwesome! You are my hero.
ReplyDeleteI love it! (Do you think the hospital would comply if you did have to birth there?)
ReplyDeleteThis is great! Hospital staff need something to keep them busy? Take pictures! :)
ReplyDeleteI transferred to the hospital for augmentation due to a number of issues. The response to my request for intermittent monitering, no VEs, etc was "then I'll turn off the synto" (you call it pitocin).
ReplyDeleteFortunately I had advocates who had time to argue for me over several hours because it took a lot of negotiation. My preferences were meaningless.
You can print it as long as you attribute where it came from. Actually let me go put a little copyright thingey on the bottom of it...
ReplyDeleteObviously this kind of thing is for someone anticipating a normal vaginal hospital birth, not for someone transferring in to a hospital during a home birth. Because if I'm transferring in, I need or want some sort of intervention so some of these things simply won't apply. Still, the first 2 sentences of the hospital version especially, and many of the other parts (skin to skin, taking pictures, not offering pain meds) would apply even in a transfer situation.
But anyway, I was lying in bed yesterday morning, unable to sleep, and was thinking of what I'd actually write if I were to write a birth plan. I wanted something short and I kept laughing to myself as I was composing the hospital version in my head. But seriously, I probably would give them something like this. Maybe the nurses would actually get it and laugh. Not laugh at it, but with it. And then they'd be prepared for me.
Thanks! That's what I like about it... I like using humor to teach and this kind of shows the irony of needing a birth plan at a place that is supposed to specialize in birth. In other words, I hope it will show my students that they need to prepare to advocate for themselves. :)
ReplyDeleteI love this! I was lucky to deliver with a hospital based midwife practice. They assumed that I'd be on the floor & not the bed & pushed the bed out of the way (had cozy futon on floor)...my midwives & doula were great, but there was ONE terribly annoying hospital nurse who insisted on "yelling" her coaching at me (didn't know her from Adam).
ReplyDeleteI really wanted to reach up and smack her in the head while I was in labor. Apparently, I glared and gave her evil eyes a lot because she told me after, "I thought you were really mad during labor"...Yes, I was! I didn't have the nerve to tell her directly, but I told everyone I could.
I never thought I'd be so distracted during labor (actually, I was only there for 45 min pushing), that so many of my thoughts were consumed with giving a nurse a thunk in the forehead. Maybe my birth plan should have been "Please shut up and definitely don't touch me"...
Many thanks always for the posts....and allowing me to feel that I wasn't asking for too much.
good birth plans!! Although (and I mean this with all due respect), I wish you much blessing and luck getting that birth plan to go over if you end up in a hospital. Be planned to fight, because unless the entire L&D staff in a host of angelic beings, they will argue that plan til your blue in the face. The hospital staff isn't generally permitted to take anyone's word on something except the patient (unless she/he is God forbid, unconscious in which case they refer to the next of kin only). Unless you midwife is on staff at the hospital or you get the holy grail of OBs, your midwife will have little to nothing to do with anything once you sign in. Don't take this as a downer, I just feel terrible when people aren't told what to truly expect. it's so important that we are realistic about the possibilities of transfer cases ykwim? B/c going in prepared to have it go one way simply b/c you are firm in your belief, can really result in a lot of heartache and frustration. It is good to know that even though you have an incredibly awesome birth plan like yours, you likely will come into some interference over it.
ReplyDeleteSo in honor of that: I wish you blessing and may you have a wonderful, happy and healthy birth and babymoon in the comfort and serenity of your own home! and may you not need a transfer for any reason whatsoever =)
Just the first two paragraphs - talk to me first and treat me with respect even if you don't agree with my decisions - could almost stand alone for any birth.
ReplyDeleteI love this birth plan. So much better than some laundry list of interventions you don't want, each followed by "unless medically necessary," which, if they want to do them, they will of course say they are medically necessary. Given that we can never know what a given birth will bring, this really gets at the heart of it: Respect my autonomy.
When I accepted some interventions I hadn't planned on in my last birth, it meant so much to me that the midwife's approach was: "I'm concerned about X. I'd like to do Y. These are the risks. These are the benefits. What do you want to do?" But really, that should be the standard approach in all but the direst emergencies.
I never really had a birth plan with either birth, but if I ever have a baby in the hospital again, I think that's what I'll go with.
Woo hoo! Love the first few pieces in the "hospital version". I also like to be LEFT ALONE; don't ask me stupid questions! And if something needs or should be done DISCUSS it with me. Great stuff!!!
ReplyDeleteI love your firm, direct tone. None of this smooshy "I would like" and "as long as everyone is safe" stuff that so easily gets ignored. I am so excited about your next birth!
ReplyDeleteI wrote a long birth plan for my husband and discussed it at length with him. It was a transfer plan in case I was unconscious or whatever. I didn't know if he would remember important things in that situation. It was mostly "I do not consent to vaccination, circumcision, formula feeding," etc. I also had an index card that said "Don't say stupid things to me" to put on the front of my door in case we had transferred for a non-emergency. I figured I could get by on the rest ;)
ReplyDeletethis rocks.
ReplyDeleteyou rock.
rock on with your bad birthin' self!
love this!
xoxo
I want to have a third baby just so I can use this birth plan! Well, I want a third baby for other reasons, too, but getting to use this plan would be the frosting on the cake.
ReplyDeleteCaptain Morgan style makes me LOL so much. Love this.
ReplyDeletePerfect. Just perfect.
ReplyDeleteLOVE this. It made me smile. :D
ReplyDeleteI had a similar birth plan for #3 in hospital and it went pretty ok but #4 was born at home, so. :)
ReplyDeleteLove it. Thanks to Staci for passing this along!
Steph
This is awesome. I can't wait to hear your birth story.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't have said it better myself! :) So awesome.
ReplyDeleteAs a hospital nurse... I want to say thank you for posting this.. seriously...
ReplyDeleteThis. Is. Awesome.
Thank you!
I think the issue of respect is one of the top items lacking from the hosp staff causing birth plans to be looked at with ridicule and scorn. That and control.
We've seen that there are many individuals who do not have access to services freely allowing them the autonomy they deserve with their birth. This is how it is where I live and work.. While we work to improve our services.. I hope the women out there who wish to experience certain types of things with their hospital birth... when there is no other option...Please communicate this over and over. If you hit a roadblock- there has to be SOMETHING else, some other option that may be acceptable to you.
I hope so
Awesome! Took me a minute to figure out what Captain Morgan style was, but once I did, it made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteWONDERFUL birth plan. You sound a lot like me in labor. I think I'll have to come up with something similarly to-the-point for this next baby (currently 9 weeks, so I've got some time).
ReplyDeleteHospital nurse here too, I truly love when a patient shows up knowing what they want. I try my best to accommodate everything that I can. I feel it is my job to get to know the patient and see what it is THEY want. It is so great to think about these things coming in. You would be surprised at the vast array of attitudes patients have from what your desires are up through "do whatever, just get the baby out however, and don't think about sticking that baby on my chest until you clean it up first!" I am all about lights low and quiet guidance with pushing as needed, some women like to be yelled at while pushing . . . it motivates them . . .but for me to assume everyone wants one way is arrogant and disrespectful of the individual patients I take care of. I would love to work in a birthing center that always allowed for such individualized care, but we are bound by certain regulations in most hospitals. It bugs me that the stats show that continuous monitoring does not improve outcomes and results in higher rates of c-section. I don't know why our area of medicine is so dense at times except for the liability/bottom line. Kudos for you and your plan! Best of luck for a delivery just like you plan, enjoy your blessing!
ReplyDeleteyou go, girl! Awesome!
ReplyDeleteLovely. Pretty much what I tell my clients. But I think, if you don't mind, that I will print out a copy for myself and put it in my examples file. :D
ReplyDeleteTalk to me and treat me with respect! Perfect!
Mars
(MammyDoula)
Haha Couldn't have said it better!
ReplyDeleteBest. Birth plan. EVER.
ReplyDeleteMade me laugh so much :) Thanks for posting this!!
I love this! I love the way the hospital plan just tells what you WILL do, not what you hope they will "let" you do. Very empowering. It's YOUR birth, whether at home or the hospital.
ReplyDeleteI'd add "no coached pushing- the baby and I can figure it out"
ReplyDeleteI hate coached pushing or "purple pushing". I told my husband "it's like someone yelling tips while you are pooping- distracting and usually counterproductive"
Tough lady.
ReplyDeleteWhen I am pregnant and about to go into labor I am going to say the moment I walk into the hospital- "Where can I get my epidural before the huge contractions start? Thanks... Oh, and can you go get a wheel chair? Yep. Awesome."
Makay
www.thebirdssay.blogspot.com
YES! Perfect and right to the point. Any of the extra details can be covered by the first line on the hospital birth version.
ReplyDeleteI had something similar written out, though longer and more detailed. Of course, no one bothered to read it (though they said they did.) Boy, were they surprised to have me refuse everything they attempted to hook me up to. They were even more freaked out when I said, "Baby's coming!", pushed three times, and there he was (in caul) on the bed. Apparently, I was just the lady in labor and really had no idea when the baby would come. I guess I was supposed to wait for them to tell me when he would be delivered! And, I swear, the OB nearly passed out while waiting for me to OK cutting the cord. (And the poor pediatric nurses. They wanted to bathe my little guy so badly. They weren't very happy about my refusing. That, and the vax and the bottles and the pacifier - they thought I was a nut.)
Now, I had gone into the hospital thinking that I couldn't be the ONLY pregnant lady in town who wanted a natural birth. Surely, they must have run into a few others who thought of birth as a natural experience rather than a serious medical condition. Guess not! I even had nurses from other floors come to meet "the lady who gave birth on her own" the next day. It was kinda weird, to say the least.
As a hospital-based obstetrician, I believe more in a statement of values than a plan for birth. I think an ideal statement of values from a patient would read:
ReplyDeleteThe birth of my child will undoubtedly represent an incredible, life-changing event. I am incredibly grateful to birth in a setting with a safe water supply, clean conditions, timely access to life-saving surgery, available blood products, antibiotics, IV medications and expertly trained medical personnel. I am here as the key member of my health care team--and I would like to actively engage in making decisions regarding my health and the health of my baby. I expect our interactions to be defined by respect, professionalism, and compassion. I accept responsibility for my own decisions; I acknowledge your roles as physician and nursing advisors. At any time, I am free to ask for a second opinion, decline an intervention, or exit your care setting. In the rare event of incapacitation due to emergent circumstances, I appoint __________ to serve as my decision maker.
This is an opinion based on the assumption that everything that comes standard in L&D is necessary. Which is not. And if you're saying you should only birth your baby at the hospital if you're willing to spread your legs and follow all the rules for their sake, then you're right. We shouldn't be there, and that's the exact reason more and more women are choosing to birth outside of hospitals. We don't birth for your convenience.
Deletewith my first, being a nurse I assumed I needed no plan...ended up SVD with epidural, pitocin and antibiotics... and a rough start breastfeeding. With my second I wrote no birth plan, but it was like this:
ReplyDeleteHave baby without pain medication. Breastfeed as soon as possible.
Took Bradley classes and picked a great obstetrician that my Bradley teacher liked. It worked! They don't have to be complicated to work.
I find the last plan extremely arrogant. It may work for you since you have had other children and your subsequent births may be predictable, but you are being very inconsiderate of the hospital staff. They are dedicated to helping mothers give birth and also concerned about liability issues if something goes wrong, and your demands for them to stay away denies them both of those things. I don't see why you go to a hospital at all if you refuse to let them help you. I can only assume it's in case of emergency, and if that happens, I hope you have the sense to throw your birth plan out the window if an emergency arises.
ReplyDeleteI've been reading a lot of birth stories today and I think I was a bit harsh in my last comment. I do think you still come off as arrogant in the way you worded it, but many of the things you said are things that I think I'd like to have happen in my own births: being allowed privacy, being able to move around, not having unnecessary procedures done, keeping everything calm, etc. I hope I'm able to talk to my doctors about this and feel that they support me in this decision (I'd talk about this on the first appointments so I'd have time to find a new doctor if I needed) and that I do value and respect the years of training and hard work they've gone through to help mothers have safe, happy birth experiences. They feel a lot of pressure themselves, too. Hospitals are sued all the time for things that often aren't their fault. They have to do all sorts of things to make sure that they're safe legally, and it scares them when a patient doesn't want those things done. I hope I can have a good experience with my doctors (or whatever medical personnel there are) this way.
ReplyDeleteLove the birth plan. I felt robbed during my first birth by so many interventions.
ReplyDelete