I've been having a mini crisis of identity with this blog. I am so tired of "debating" birth choices endlessly and wonder whether all of the energy I (and many readers/commenters/bloggers) spend makes any difference. We're either preaching to the choir--fun but not really necessary or life-changing--or debating people who most likely won't change their minds anyway. On top of that, I'm feeling discouraged about the state of maternity care in North America and at the few real changes birth advocates have made in the past several decades. Floral wallpaper, tacky artwork, a table lamp, and a polyester comforter covering a hospital bed just doesn't cut it.
But it's almost like home! We'll hook you up to your Pit drip, your epidural, your catheter, your fetal monitor, and your automatic blood pressure cuff and you can watch TV, just like at home! Two-thirds of you will come away with a surgical scar in your belly or in your vagina. But you'll feel comforted by the "home-like environment" while you heal from your wounds!
When I was pregnant, I was admittedly a little more open to hospital alternatives than most, but still planned to birth in a hospital. Blogs like this (not this specific one--I hadn't found it yet) were a big part of the reason I switched care at 34 weeks to a home birth midwife. I had read lots of books, and thought homebirth was cool, but not for me. It was the personal stories and personal words of bloggers that pushed me over the edge to a home birth. Just thought you'd like to know...
ReplyDeleteI've never commented on this blog before, but I just wanted to encourage you. Reading about your beautiful homebirth really impacted my thinking about my own birth choices. I'm surrounded by mainstream parents who think I'm absolutely crazy for wanting to have my baby naturally and would probably freak if I ever had a homebirth. Don't give up. There are probably lots more people like me who just don't say much but greatly appreciate what you're doing!
ReplyDeleteA choir member here -- I was sitting at my desk last night with a 61 year old mother of three grown children, showing her my home waterbirth pictures on my blog. She was so moved! She asked me questions about every little detail of the birth. She recalled the birth of her own children, painful managed labors, her babies roughly rubbed up and whisked away, her painful slowly healing episiotomies, her reconstruction surgery. (Not much has changed, huh?) She kept saying that her daughter will have to see and read all about my birth, so she may choose to do it my way.
ReplyDeleteI scrolled over my link to the article with you in Grazia, I clicked on the image, and told you you had your first baby without a midwife. She asked, Who cut the cord? :)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI hear you girl! Just hang in there. We do make a difference with all our 'off the beaten path' commotion. I've long believed you can't wash the stink of institutionality off a maternity ward no matter how cute the drapes. But it has been a very successful marketing ploy to suck millions of women in. Maternity care needs deep change from within not a new decor. Most healthcare professionals would not change the status quo. Therefore change has to come from consumers and how do consumers change? That's where we come in. Read congnosco again.
ReplyDeleteI feel ya, Rixa. I really do. Sometimes I get so tired of throwing out the same old argument over and over only to have the same argument thrown back at me. And you're right, either people agree with you or they don't. But rarely, very rarely, someone who had no clue about homebirth or any kind of birth outside of the hospital PERIOD will come across your words, and they will think, and their perspective will be changed all thanks to you.
ReplyDeleteIt can be really hard to keep going when there's hundreds of thousands of people against you, and only one potential mind that could be changed. But thinking positively, that one person makes it worth it.
another choir member here, but i have to say i so appreciate what you do here and i do think you can and probably have already made a difference. there are those women who are on the fence re: home birth and are looking for more information and your blog provides that.
ReplyDeletehope you will keep on keepin' on. :)
I have pointed a number of people to your blog over the past 10 months or so, and I know that some of them have really reconsidered their ideas about birth -- or considered entirely new ideas about birth -- because of your writings. Your style and attitude and knowledge and reasoned approach appeal to people.
ReplyDeleteMaybe sometimes we are preaching to the choir, but that kind of mutual support and encouragement is important too. It is nice to know that when I am feeling discouraged by people IRL, I can always come and check out your blog and find something I agree with and someone who agrees with me. It's rejuvenating.
I had NO idea about homebirth 4 years ago, but because of people like you and your willingness to speak, I learned. And as a result, I had a homebirth last Thursday. There are all kinds of other people out there who are just as receptive as I was -- they just need to be reached.
I am a home birth advocate, and yet your blog has changed me in ways I never saw coming. Because of what you've written, and the books you've recommended, I can now truly say that I TRUST BIRTH absolutely, totally, and completely. I love the email correspondence you posted higher up the blog. It is the essence of what I have learned from your blog. I cannot thank you enough.
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth, I have learned so much from your writings. Things I read here inspire me to look for more information elsewhere too. I plan on having my next baby (not pregnant yet) at home for sure. An unassisted birth is something I find myself thinking about when I envision my next birth. I would miss this blog so much if you stopped writing! I think a lot more people are getting things from your writings than you realize...
ReplyDeleteRixa, you've given me a perspective on UC that I didn't have before, because although I had read a wealth of material on birth I had never read such an intelligent, informed woman writing on her own UC before. And obviously from the other comments, you've been preaching to a lot more than the choir! It is so good to know that sometimes you can influence someone to have a better birth and to be a more gentle parent than they otherwise would have - it really touches lives and you should be proud of the work you have done here.
ReplyDeleteI know where you are coming from and sometimes the few "debates" can seem tedious, draining, even depressing. But your blog is so much more than that, and you have been the first UC person who writes in the way that you do and your blog has always meant so much to me. Hugs
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone for your input. Makes me realize that throwing in the towel wouldn't be warranted at this point! I am all about *doing* things of practical value, rather than just talking, and so in cyberland it's hard to know if you've made any concrete changes.
ReplyDeleteThis was also one of my areas of contention while in grad school. I'd get fed up with all of the theorizing and writing papers about abstract esoteric topics that nobody is ever going to read except you and your professor. I enjoyed it but also felt like it was a lot of time and energy for things so disconnected with real life.
Well, this is one area where you are making a significant difference in real life.
ReplyDeleteYou might find this affirming.
ReplyDeleteWhat keeps me going is a feeling of obligation to pay it forward. If it hadn't been for others who did the work before me, I would have been just another victim.
All of us on the free birth path make/will make/made a difference in someone's life. That's a ripple! Keep going, because it does make a difference.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to add my 2 cents. I know the debates get exhausting--it seems like the other side has an endless supply of vitriol. But reading your blog has really encouraged me to seek out alternatives for the future and get educated. I really appreciate all the new information you post and the links you provide. Thanks so much!
ReplyDeleteRixa,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you both on the frustration with blogging about birth AND grad school :). For the record, the choir needs blogs like this! I don't mind a place where all I do is say "amen, sister!" I love not having to argue against/with/through people's flawed logic or ignorance. It's a great break. And it does empower me to hear voices of women who've birthed naturally and at home so I can be one of them (in about 10 weeks!). Even if you don't do as many posts that are open debate or on super hot topics, keep this thing up! Maybe more posts about raising your daughter? Up to you.
I'm with you sister! I no sooner started my Blog than I wanted to shut it down! I really intended to start a new conversation; and found myself having the same roundtable as 10 years ago with a different group of women! It is discouraging to note that so little seems to have changed; many things have, in fact, become worse. I find that my belief in women and birth has been eroded by these constant battles over, in many cases, very thin edge kind of details. We aren't really having substantive disagreements as much as just not showing the kind of trust and good will that allows anyone to safely express nuance or to raise questions that aren't then read as judgements or the "last word". Please keep the faith ( and help me do the same ). The road is long....but the end is NOT in sight so, there is still much we can do. Peace. Oh, and could you please run that "Tagged" stuff at me again? I accidently erased a bunch of posts while trying to edit down some of the shouting...o.k. I was trying to get rid of Dr. Amy and managed to wipe out half my readers; I'm knew at this! I want to follow up but not sure what to do. Thanks. Kneelingwoman
ReplyDeleteI meant to write "I'm NEW at this". I'm also tired; apparently! Knowledge is power but not when it affects one's spelling! Sorry ladies!
ReplyDelete