Birth plans

I am not sure yet about what my plans will be for this birth. Barring a pressing medical need for hospital care, I will give birth at home. That's a no-brainer. But whether I will do it unassisted or hire a midwife is up in the air. During Zari's pregnancy, I felt very drawn to an unassisted birth, while having a midwife did not feel right. This time around, I don't have a clear sense yet. I find myself wanting to have more options than UC or the ER. My ideal would be to have an undisturbed birth with a supportive midwife on call, waiting somewhere if I wanted her assistance but not managing the birth or getting in my way. Basically if I could beam Pamela out here, I would!

I want to have a midwife available for these main reasons:

• assess for tears and suture/Dermabond if necessary
• do my Rh- bloodwork and write a Rx for Rhogam if needed
• assist in the case of a shoulder dystocia or rapid postpartum hemorrhage

I met with a midwife yesterday, a CNM who attends home births. I really liked her and felt very comfortable with her. We talked about both of our expectations for the birth and where we could meet. I knew she probably wouldn't be comfortable doing no heart tone checks at all, and I was right. I had hoped that she would be okay otherwise staying in another room, even when the baby was born, but she does want to be present for the birth itself to keep an eye on things. She says she is usually pretty hands-off at births; I'd like to talk with her more about what this means in practice. She does understand my need for privacy, as she herself also craves solitude during labor.

One thing I think I would really like about choosing her is that she does group prenatals. All the women due around the same time meet together once a month for two hours (then once every 2 weeks after 36 weeks). The midwife or one of her assistants has a discussion topic or presentation. There's time to chat and to have one-on-one visits with the midwife, too. I feel fairly isolated here, having moved recently and having no friends nearby. This would give me some much-needed socialization and birth talk!

For the moment I am leaning towards going with her and staying open to what I feel is right on a spiritual and intuitive level. It is, admittedly, a little bit strange to be looking into midwives after having done it unassisted. It's not that I worry about my ability to give birth or to recognize and address situations in labor. I also don't want emotional support or coaching during labor. I just want more options at my disposal. I think, also, that I feel a bit more fear this time around. Not about the birth or anything; just in general, knowing how much I love Zari and, as a mother, how much I have to lose (as well as gain).

So that's where I stand at the moment. My pregnancy is going very smoothly. I started feeling better about four weeks ago; the dizziness and queasiness gradually subsided and now I feel totally normal again. And food tastes good again! How lovely...I lost a few pounds since becoming pregnant, although that might be as much related to my exercising regularly since I got back from France as to my lack of appetite. Plus those pounds aren't really "lost" since they were "gained" back after I ran a half-marathon last fall (not immediately after the race, of course, but over the course of the winter since I stopped running after I accomplished my goal and--lame excuse?--I don't enjoy running in cold weather). I am almost 3 months along at this point and look forward to all of the fun parts that are coming: feeling the baby move, finding the heartbeat with the fetoscope, watching my belly grow.