A few days ago Jill at Unnecesarean linked to an article in the Brisbane Times, Maternity Leave--Or Reprieve?. It discusses our recent cultural obsession with getting out of the postpartum period as quickly as possible. The last few paragraphs struck me as particularly relevant to the discussion a few days ago about postpartum bodies. From the article:
You can't judge women for returning to work when the recession has made all workers nervous (and dispensable). The stay-at-home versus working-mother debate has grown so rancid and divisive it is now stale. What you can judge, however, is a cultural compulsion to leave behind as quickly as possible what in many societies has been considered a sacred space between a mother and child. In our race to prove our brains still function while our bodies respond to infant cries, we trample on something deeper than we acknowledge.It's not exactly the concept of confinement we need to return to, but it isn't far away. Previously, at least it was understood that we should respect the time around childbirth. Now we are supposed to admire all these tragic celebrity souls who pound away on StairMasters while their wounds are yet to heal, bind breasts so they don't produce milk, suck in their abdomens as they pose awkwardly in bikinis and talk about the horror of the maternal state.It would be a shame to lose reverence for those gentle, maddening months after a child is born, when you are in a sleep-drained reverie, stitched to a baby's rhythms and sweet suckling; when you watch them unfurl, watch their eyes focus on the world, their lips curl into smiles, their startled limbs jerk and then grow strong. When you delight in the life you have created, it becomes a lot less important to get your own life back the very next day.
I love the last paragraph in particular. Beautifully stated.
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this Rixa! I just had a baby 4 days ago, so this hits particularly close to home. I feel no rush to get back to work. All I want to do is stay at home with my sweet baby and be with him all day long. It's nice to feel some validation and reinforcement of that deep-seeded instinct. :-)
ReplyDeleteI think it also ties in with an utter lack of regard for mothers and their accomplishments in this society. Mothering is not important, babies are cute, but god forbid your body look like it made one...that's gross and nobody wants to see or muster up any respect for that. The droopy breasts, saggy tummies, and stretch marks are too much of a reminder how tied we are to nature and what our real purpose is. Women are only sexy when they conform to our culture's standards of the airbrushed robot. Embracing our true sexuality and amazing femininity is not attractive according to society. It's yucky.
ReplyDeleteI wish more women realized this! Or listened to their souls when they felt a need to stay close to their babies.
ReplyDeleteThe recession really is effecting maternity leaves. We recently had two nurses aides (who make minimum wage) come back to work after only 6 weeks off. They simply could not afford to stay home. They both worked like a piece of them was missing, and it was, their babies.
ReplyDeleteEh, I think what she says is valid, but we also need to respect that for many women their job is very important to them and it simply won't allow for long maternity leaves. And for many others, they don't have a choice because mom's job is absolutely needed. That doesn't mean baby is neglected or that mom doesn't revel in all the delights of her baby.
ReplyDeleteI went back to work 3 weeks after giving birth because my work situation doesn't provide paid leave. Husband is a student and now also a SAHD. Sure, I miss my daughter when I'm away, but we are well bonded and I'm not at all worried about her.
Also, am I the only new mother who is more well rested since having the baby than before? Not all new mothers who return to work are sleep deprived zombies trying to prove something.
I don't think this sort of attitude should come as much of a surprise. Femininity is not valued in the US-either you need to be masculine to fit in, or vampy to be desired. There is no healthy view of femininity. Women are applauded for logically thinking their way through birth, for choosing abdominal surgery instead of pushing through the vagina, for pretending their bodies have not changed from virginal maidenhood to feminine maternity.
ReplyDeleteThese are the women who get botox and implants to look forever young-who requires this of them? Certainly not femininity but the desires of masculinity. Birth-the most feminine thing out there is masculinized with tests and technology, and then the unfolding of the bonding between an infant and mother is devalued in favor of a quick return to work, leaving behind all her femininity to return in drag at the office.
Thank you for sharing this! What a gift to mothers to say it's ok to revel in that post-partum period.
ReplyDeleteI posted this in the Family Nester and Parenting-A-Go-Go groups here on Friend Feed and have received quite a few responses. see this link: http://friendfeed.com/family-nester/5988a3d2/as-mothers-of-newborns-how-do-you-feel-about
ReplyDeleteThis is gorgeous. I didnt take it as an idictment of "moms who have to go back to work", not at all. It is about cultural acceptance of the Natural World--and basically all we "accept" in regards to pregnancy and childbirth is the cute little 6 month bump...and then the skinny woman who pushes the child/accessory in a stroller at some point later. No milk. No blood. No hugeness. No slowing down. No soft. No smooshie. No saggy. No tears. No groans. No birthing. No recovery. See u at the barbecue. Glad thats over.
ReplyDeleteWhy are the postpartum depression rates so high? Its such a MYSTERIOUS DISEASE!
fooey
Thank you for this and just about everything you find and share with us all, Rixa. This one was a cool perspective and so so true. Mamas...just dont buy into it. My "newborn" is 12 months old, and I completely have allowed myself to live at all times in the MamaBaby mindset, even way past when it is acceptable. I am mindful of milk supply and resting and loving myself and this-too-shall-too-soon-pass, and all of it. Sometimes I forget, but this is our last baby, and so that is there to keep me on track, too.
But for goodness sake, 6, 8 WEEKS! that is sacred time. That is nightgown time, if u ask me.
MMMMMMMMM. That is so, so sweet. How I'm going to miss those sweet-soft newborn days as my babies are learning to run. Sigh. I do so love the freedom I have to do some "me" stuff again but it will be bittersweet as I move into this second year with them.
ReplyDeleteI am a link-forwarding machine all of a sudden--I want all of my postpartum friends to read this right away. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThe only time I didn't have PPD was when I made myself stay home for six weeks (minus the one time we had to go out and get his birth certificate registered). Yes there were a few times I was a little stir crazy, but the trade-off was so much nicer.
ReplyDeleteI have four children, and this was my third birth. With my fourth, I didn't have the kind of help I needed afterward(which really wasn't much), and I felt compelled to get up and get back to normal. NEVER AGAIN.
You never get that time back, and it really means so much more than most realize.
That was beautiful. I agree that the postpartum time is so precious. There is no getting that time back, and it would have broken my heart if I'd missed it. Since this last baby is my last, I've reveled in the past year more than I might have otherwise, and I am glad. This last year has been indescribably precious to me.
ReplyDeleteThat was beautifully written.
What a great article, I loved it! Thanks for sharing:)
ReplyDeleteLove it. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI fought for myself and my baby this last go. I remember being 6 weeks postpartum and still bleeding when I would become too active, having to remind my husband and family that I just had a 4 day labor followed by a cesarean AND got a newborn baby out of it all (never mind the fact that my almost 3 year old was still nursing too).
ReplyDeleteI will never forget that nagging feeling of guilt I felt when I explained this over and over again--but I'm glad I did it.