Ivy is little enough that I can pretend she's still a baby. She will be our last--barring some extraordinary circumstance--and I am already mourning the loss of her babyhood. It's more than that, really; it's the end of a stage of my life as a young mother. As long as I have one baby, I still feel like I am in that group. But it's coming to an end. I'm not sure if I'm ready for the next stage of my life. I keep thinking of what's coming and honestly I don't know if I'm very excited.
Parenting keeps getting more complicated as my kids get older, and I miss the sheer joy and simplicity of raising babies. I don't have much to look forward to once I no longer have a baby underfoot. Teenagers? Bleh. My kids turning into adults and leaving me alone? Sob.
So tell me I have something to look forward to. Because I thinking of growing older and aging and getting wrinkles and health problems (okay, maybe some of this is a long way off!) and my kids getting bigger and none of it seems interesting. What I'm trying to say is: having newborns and babies has been, for me, the Best Thing Ever and I don't know if anything else can make up for the loss of that part of my life.
I'm sorry, Rixa. That is a hard feeling to face. I have to believe, though, that the older ages offer their own forms of delight. You'll find them.
ReplyDeleteAnd if not, you could always become a doula. :)
Oh RIxa, this is a sad post! I have followed your blog for several years and have wondered how you were doing with this now that you've moved to France and Ivy has gotten a little older. I'm finding that the people who inspired me most through the pregnancy-birth-baby stage seem to struggle with this. I'd really like to find mentors who are doing this next stage well and loving it. We have five kids, ages (almost) 10 - 3 months. I am enjoying my 10 year old and 7 1/2 year old so much! They are amazing and I am loving this stage every bit as much as the baby stage. We homeschool and then at night we often watch a short program together and it's been so amazing to actually enjoy watching the same things. They are so funny and make me laugh every day. Also we are able to do things like Scripture memorization together (right now we are memorizing Hebrews 11) and that's been fun and inspiring. My son is singing in our city's children's chorus, has a 2 hour rehearsal every week and I am just so proud my heart wants to explode. It's just great. Sometimes empty nesters tell me they are sad, but statically happiness generally goes up after children leave home and the 'empty nest' is largely a myth from the research I have read. But their advice has been a catalyst to really think long-term when making decisions (thus our choice to homeschool which is way more work in the short term) yet to really ground myself in the present and try to soak up these moments. Also, I do have my own passions like sewing and photography and I never want my kids be my identity. I'm starting to see pregnancy/birth/babies in similar terms as a vacation or a wedding day - it's special but it was never meant to last forever and it really does go by so fast. I think about this a lot as we contemplate whether or not we are 'done', though I have to admit, I adore my kids at all their ages and stages. Oh and from my reading, grandchildren unequivocally bring loads of happiness to grandparents, whereas whether children bringing happiness (statistically) is a mixed bag. Most studies I've read suggest happiness decreases upon the birth of first children. I also read that happiness often dips in one's 30s because the 20s are marked by extreme optimism and unrealistic views about life.
ReplyDeleteI have three kids (9, 7, 5), and they older they get the more fun they are. I wanted a fourth, but that isn't going to happen. And the older they get, the easier it is logistically---no working around naptime, no more diapers, everyone sleeps through the night. I love the ages they are now, as they like spending time with me, and they aren't yet in the "leave me alone" teenage years. They are really just fun, engaging little people. I miss the baby years, but this phase is pretty good too.
ReplyDeleteYour story is so familiar Rixa, My little granddaughter will be turning 1 this Friday and my daughter and I have been lamenting about how it's hard to let go of our little girl as she's growing up. When I had my daughter I had a completely different life. I was working and just plain busy. I didn't have time to notice the tragedy of my baby growing up. Today things are different and I feel like my granddaughter is my own and I know exactly what you mean. But every phase of your child's life is different and is worth embracing. We love them as babies with their innocence and wonder but they grow up to be wonderful adults and then as a grand mom you get to do it all over again :-) It's wonderful!
ReplyDeleteI also have 4 and my youngest (and last) baby is 15 months. I feel EXACTLY the same way as you do - I could have written this same post word for word. Glad to know I'm not alone!
ReplyDeleteconversations with intellectual teenages is infinitely more stimulating than ones with a toddler. and no more buckling people in or diapers
ReplyDeleteWonderful Design Blogs, Such a great pics of baby. Thanks for sharing all these blogs all are very useful to every one.
ReplyDeleteEnergi Sliding Power Case for iPhone 5 Blue USA
I remember walking into church with my 12 year old and his five younger siblings, watching all the new mommies walking in with their toddlers and babies and thinking, "Oh, no! I'm that mom now." The one the young moms think is old; the one they don't invite to play dates and park days. Sigh. I too miss those simple, precious and beautiful moments as a mother of babies. I will say, though, that having older kids is just as wonderful...different, but wonderful. For instance, we just had a conversation tonight about the materialism of God! Can't do that with a newborn!! Each stage has it's beautiful moments. It's the transitioning through those stages that catches my heart in turmoil. Motherhood doesn't end when your babies grow up!
ReplyDelete