Pleated Ring Sling Tutorial

I make and sell sling rings (although I am temporarily sold out and not buying any new fabric until after I move). If you know how to sew, you can easily make a ring sling yourself. Here is how I make mine. Feel free to use the instructions for your own personal use, but be considerate and don't use my design--which I have developed over the past few years--if you want to make slings to sell.

Materials:

• slightly over 2 yards of woven, non-stretchy fabric. I prefer linen-cotton blends. You will see the back side on the "tail" of the sling, so choose something that looks good on both front and back. Embroidered fabrics work very well.
  
• 2 aluminum sling rings. I use the largest size (3") for medium to heavy weight fabrics. For very thin, lightweight fabrics, I recommend the medium size (2.5").
  
• thread
• masking tape
• disappearing fabric marker or dressmaker’s chalk

Instructions:

If desired, wash and dry fabric before sewing sling.

Cut a length of fabric 26-30” wide. Square off the ends.

Hem the two long ends and one short end. (I turn 1/4” and press, turn 3/8” and press, then stitch.)

Lay the fabric out right side up, with the raw edge on the right side. Make two parallel sets of marks—one at the raw edge, the other 9” from the raw edge--starting from the bottom hemmed edge. The first mark starts at 2”, and the rest are every 3” after that. (So 2, 5, 8, 11, 14, 17, 20...)
Fold and press along each parallel line (pressing the wrong sides together).
Make the pleats: fold the first pressed edge down until it lines up with the edge of the fabric. Press.
Fold the next pressed edge down until it lines up with the underside of the pleat (you can feel it by running your fingers over the fabric). Press.
Continue until all of the pleats are pressed into place. The last pleat may need a bit of adjusting to make it line up just right with the finished edge. You can see me doing this in the photo.
Temporarily anchor the pleats with masking tape. Put one length 1/2” from the raw edge, and another length of tape 8 ¼” from the raw edge. Flip over and tape on the back side.
Zig-zag stitch the raw edge. Trim if necessary.
Mark a line 4” from the raw edge with a disappearing fabric marker.
Using masking tape, fold the pleats close together so they overlap only ¼”. Tape on the front.
Flip over and tape the back of the pleats.
Stitch two parallel lines, 1/8” apart, to hold the pleats in place. This holds the pleats neatly in place when the sling is washed.
Remove masking tape. Put the two sling rings onto the pleated edge. Fold over and line up with the masking tape. Stitch two parallel lines through all layers, at least ¼” apart.
Add a third line of decorative stitching between the first two lines. Here are some photos of the stitching from various slings I've made.
Remove all masking tape and enjoy!

Rowan Pelling writes about her HBAC

I saw this on another blog (sorry, can't remember which one) and wanted to share: journalist and writer Rowan Pelling wrote a short article in the Daily Mail about her home birth with an independent midwife.

Pelling mentions the trauma of her first birth--an emergency cesarean due to Pitocin-induced fetal distress--the difficulty bonding, and the recurrent panic attacks and nightmares of dead babies. Fortunately, women's experiences of trauma at birth are receiving more attention. One resource is Sheila Kitzinger's recent book Birth Crisis, which examines women who are dealing with PTSD after childbirth.

Edited to add:
I just saw on Lisa Barrett's blog that Pelling first wrote about her decision to have a home birth in the Telegraph. This article focuses much more on her decision-making process.

Reading

One of the lovely things about visiting my parents was that I had lots of time to just sit and read, while Zari played with her grandparents and cousins. My mom is a voracious reader, so I went downstairs to the bookshelves and browsed through the new titles. My first read was Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety, which I disagreed with in many respects. However, I found some of her observations very fascinating, including the lack of social support for mothering (and parenting in general) in our country.

I also read Boys Adrift which, among other things, reinforced my longstanding opposition to allowing video games in our house. The author is an MD/PhD who studies gender and child development. He identified five factors that explain why we have an epidemic of underachieving and unmotivated young men in our culture: changes in educational approaches that push math and reading too early; video games; over-diagnosis and over-medicalization of ADHD; a lack of strong, positive role models for boys in our culture; and endocrine disruptions caused by certain chemicals.

Now that I'm back home and trying to get focused on my dissertation again, I started reading Bearing Meaning: The Language of Birth. It's heavy on feminist and sociological theory, but definitely worth the effort. I am almost 100 pages into the book so far. She includes her first-hand experiences giving birth and mothering, which I find quite delightful.

After that heavy academic prose, I am yearning for something a bit lighter. My first purchase would be If These Boobs Could Talk: A Little Humor to Pump Up the Breastfeeding Mom. It's a scream, and I've only seen a few pages of it so far.

Another book on my must-read list is Louise Erdrich's The Blue Jay's Dance: A Birth Year. Here's an excerpt to tease and delight (and hopefully entice you to buy this book, which starts for one penny on Amazon):

I'm an instinctive mother, not a book-read one, and my feeling is that a baby must be weaned slowly from its other body--mine. So I keep her close, sleep with her curled tight, tie her onto me with padded contraptions. My days here have become sensuous, suffused with the particular, which is not to say that they aren't difficult, or that I get much done. With each birth I have been thrown into a joy of the physical emotions, a religious and fixated delight that seizes me so thoroughly the life of the imagination sometimes seems a spare place. The grounded pleasures--nursing, touching the exquisite fontanel of our baby, a yellow-pink fragrance of sun-heated cotton & tepid cream, gazing eternally into her mystery eyes--are only tempered by sleep deprivation.

What to do about VBAC bans

Birthfriend reposted a list of 11 suggestions of how to protest a VBAC denial, originally published in Midwifery Today. It's a good starting place for what to do if your local hospital tells you you "have" to have a repeat cesarean because of a prior surgical birth, rather than leaving the choice up to you.

I have a few other suggestions:

• Opt out entirely! Give birth at home with a midwife, give birth at home unassisted, or give birth in a freestanding birth center. Of course this does nothing to change the situation for women who don't feel comfortable abandoning a hospital environment, but you'll probably have a fantastic birth.
  
• Fight the Man (a highly courageous but also highly risky undertaking): Flat out refuse a repeat cesarean and inform everyone of your intent to give birth vaginally no matter what the hospital's policy is. Call in the media crews, call in your lawyer, make a big stink. Very dramatic. Somewhat likely to induce stress and coercion. Slight risk that your hospital will seek a court-ordered cesarean.
  

Any others--serious or tongue-in-cheek?

(Another) new house!

So, the house that we thought we'd be moving into turned into a major disaster which we were very happy to walk away from. The home inspection revealed a multitude of issues that we didn't know about before (and some we did). Major structural issues, settling so bad the floors felt like a fun house, termite damage and dry rot on some of the joists and beams of the main floor, carpet that was used as a litterbox for the previous owner's cat, major problems with the electrical system (as in, half the house didn't work, and there were lots of random wires coming out of the walls), windows were painted shut with so many layers of paint that they would be almost impossible to open even with a lot of work, layers and layers of wallpaper covered by layers of paint on EVERY wall and ceiling surface in the entire house, warped and rotted deck boards...oh, and there's lots more. It really scared us--and that's saying a lot. If you know us, you know that we have done just about anything to houses. We happily got out of the purchase agreement and started looking for another house.

The same day we walked away from the Disastrous House, we found the Perfect House. It was on the exact street we wanted, even on the exact part of the street we wanted. It was a meticulously maintained Italianate style home built in 1893. The price made our jaws drop--it was so low. I can't even begin to explain how perfect it was in just about every way. So I won't even try. It was a FSBO, so we made an offer that day with no contingencies: no inspection, cash sale. Our offer was higher than the other one the owner had received, and we left thinking she'd take it. We also emphasized that we'd meet and exceed any other offers she might receive.

She called us back two days later, sounding apologetic, and said that she just couldn't accept our offer. From what I gather, the other people had assumed that they were buying her house (even though they hadn't signed anything) and there was quite a bit of tension. We upped our offer again. And once more, the next day, to a few thousand above her asking price. She still would not accept it.

After finding the Perfect House, and then losing it, we were very depressed. All of April, actually, has been a bad month for us. Our dog died, our car broke down, I paid almost $1,000 to have it fixed, then it died again 3 days later with the exact same symptoms. And the first two houses we tried to buy didn't work out. So we went on more house-hunting trips. Our realtor was probably tearing her hair out because we just couldn't find anything that was right for us.

We kept coming back to an old brick home a few houses down from the Perfect House. It has been totally renovated, has a double lot with a wrought iron fence, and a 3-car garage, which we have absolutely no need for, so it's almost a liability, but oh well... With our touches (landscaping, adding a half bath on the main floor and making the kitchen into a total yuppie paradise) the house will be amazing.

We put in an offer yesterday, and after much negotiating, we finally settled on $130k, down from the asking price of $145k. No inspection, no contingencies, cash sale. The house has been on the market for a full year, which I think helped us negotiate a lower price. And we're closing next week!

Some info on the house:

• Built in 1883
  
• 3 bedrooms, 2 full baths
• 2 large living rooms, so plenty of room for the grand piano that we're taking care of until my older sister has enough space for it.
  
• Very high ceilings: at least 10 feet
  
• There's an attic playroom off the upstairs bedroom that has a little window. It's just big enough to stand up in in the very center.
  
• 1,877 square feet, plus a large unfinished basement with 9 foot ceilings.
  
• Plumbing, electrical, furnace, water heater, and A/C are all completely new.
  
• New roof & all new windows (we are sad about the new windows, since we prefer having the originals...but it's too late for that now)
• Has all of the original trim, wood work, doors, and wood floors.
• Wood floors were all refinished recently.
  
• Lots of room (and sun) in the yard for gardens
• Perfect location: 2 blocks from campus, 4 blocks from downtown, 1 block from a neighborhood grocery store, a few blocks from a Mexican food store.
  

So while it isn't the Perfect House, it will be a Very Good House for us. Since there's very little work to do on it, we can actually live in the house and enjoy it, rather than spend all of our time renovating and repairing. Yay! The only thing we'll do right away is paint the rooms the colors we want. After my dissertation is done, I'll turn my energy to planning a beautiful kitchen and gardens.

Okay, here are some pictures:

Wedding

We've enjoyed a fantastic week at my parents' house. We came up for my youngest sister's wedding, and now we're recuperating from all of the preparation and festivities.

True to the way my family works, we did practically everything ourselves. My sister designed and sewed her own wedding outfit (except for the jacket), as well as the bridesmaid's skirts, which were made from saris she ordered from India. My mom planned and cooked a huge informal family dinner the night before the wedding, a formal lunch the day of the wedding, and the reception food. My older sister made the wedding cake, including the sugar gum paste flowers that took an insane number of hours. My other younger sister did the flower arrangements. We also decorated the historic house we rented for the wedding lunch and reception. My BIL took the pictures. A true do-it-yourself wedding!

My little brother was not able to attend, since he is serving a two-year mission in Russia. Right now he's on Sakhalin Island, off the east coast of Russia. Basically he's about as far away as possible from where we are on the globe. Recent adventures include being mugged by a drunk Russian man.

Luncheon Menu
Greek Salad with feta cheese, olives, red onions, and bell peppers
~
Tomato and Basil Soup
Hungarian Mushroom Soup
Coconut Lime Thai Soup
~
Curried Chicken Salad
Asparagus spears in Hollandaise Sauce

Fruit kebabs
~
Tropical Lime Torte with Mango Compote
~
Raspberry Lemonade

Reception
Gorgonzola Tarts
Stuffed Mushrooms
Spinach and Artichoke Dip
Hummus with Pita Chips
Fresh Pineapple, Cantaloupe, Strawberries & Watermelon
Cheese platter: Brie, Gouda, & Boursin
Chocolate Velvet Cake
Chocolate Turtle Cheesecake
Citrus Cheesecake
Vanilla Cheesecake with Raspberry Sauce
Sparkling Fruit Punch

Now some pictures!

First, Zari and I in our sari skirts.

My little sister has a very vibrant personality, and these pictures reflect that quite well.
The dress she designed, and sewed, herself. The skirt is made of white silk dupioni and lined with blue silk. She had a brief moment of misgiving because she didn't have a Cinderella dress. But then she said to herself, "I'm not 19 years old. I don't need to look like a princess."

The cake.
The groom and his four brothers. He also has one sister.

My sister and her husband love to joke about their rings--whose was cheaper, in particular. Hers is a cushion cut yellow tourmaline. His is made of tungsten. He especially likes that his ring is scratch proof and virtually indestructible.

In front of the St. Paul Temple, where they were married.

My next project

We've been busy visiting my parents and going to my youngest sister's wedding, but I found a new project that I must do once we move: a tumbling composter. I found this link for one DIY tumbling composter, then found another variation that I like better from The Urban Homesteaders. It spins vertically, rather than on its side, for better mixing and aeration.

You can get plastic 55-gallon barrels for free from car wash places, then spray paint them black with special paint designed for plastics. Even if you buy all the other materials new, it wouldn't cost very much at all. I have visions of a line of these spinning composters along the edge of our (future) garden...

I admit that I have never before composted, because it seemed too intimidating, with all of the talk of mixing and aeration and proper carbon balance. But I've decided to stop making excuses.

"Straight out of a horror movie"??

Judit's post about two births in the headlines illustrates the value of a little knowledge and preparation when it comes to giving birth, no matter where you are planning to have the baby. It also shows how perception and expectation can color an experience entirely differently. Thanks Judit!

Twins and Triplets!

A montage of vaginally born twins and triplets, some at home and some in hospitals.

18 months

Somewhere between yesterday and today Zari turned 18 months. I remember how old that seemed when she was a newborn. I remember thinking that she would be so different when she reached 18 months. But somehow the newborn Zari now seems different and strange, and this running, talking creature is the normal Zari that I am used to.

Here are some pictures from the past month:

Feeding the goats at the organic farm along our bike path. In the first picture she's saying "aa aa aa," trying to make a goat sound.
Eating and signing. Now, as soon as I get the camcorder out, she signs "bird" because we often watch videos on it of her playing with birds.
Going potty, eating breakfast, and watching "Signing Time"--our morning routine.
Sweeping up the breakfast she dumped all over the floor
This picture is a bit blurry, but it captures well what she looks like in my mind:

Guest Post #2: Judgment, Fear, and Focus

Laureen is the technical editor and online community advocate for java.sun.com and developers.sun.com at Sun Microsystems, a freelance editor for Hunt Press, and a contributor to several peer-reviewed group blogs. She's a blogger, a podcaster, a website manager, and an enthusiastic geek enabler. She's the mother of two gorgeous children, and the wife of a man who understands her birth passion. She's had one iatrogenic unnecesarean, and one triumphant HBAC.

Judgment, Fear, and Focus

For only having two children, I have pretty much the range of birth experience; my first was a planned birth center birth turned hospital transfer with epidural turned cesarean. So there's the complete spectrum of medicalized birth. (At the time I was planning it, I thought my birth center birth was non-medicalized. I learned the hard way about medical midwifery.) My cesarean was brilliant, as these things go. The doctor was near retirement, had a 40% cesarean rate in his private practice, and knew what he was doing. I was too ignorant to even ask for things, but upon examination of my medical records, I got a Cadillac of a cesarean. Sheer dumb luck, that was. But despite that, due to hospital protocols, my baby spent the first four hours of his life with strangers; four hours we'll never get back.

For my second birth, I had an unassisted pregnancy, followed by a home birth with a midwife.

The move from home to hospital for birth in our culture involved a paradigm shift, whereby medical professionals convinced women that they were incompetent to birth without assistance, despite millennia of successful field testing to the contrary. The move to reclaim women's power by bringing birth back under their control is involving another paradigm shift, and that's going to be uncomfortable, and it's going to upset people. I think it matters that I know all kinds of women who've gone from hospital births to home births, but only two who've gone the other way, even if the home birthers ended up transferring ultimately. Because of my own experience, I am strongly biased towards home birth, and I admit that up front. On the other hand, because of the experiences of women I know personally, I would rather gnaw off my own arm than deny women the right to choose to birth in a hospital.

One of the things that really bothers me about the comment-foo on Rixa's blog is the complete abandonment of logic. Instead of classical logic, symbolic logic, the construction of actual arguments based on fact, we saw logical fallacies. Use of fallacy in argument invalidates the whole thing, in addition to bringing the entire discussion down to blows in short order. This does nothing to contribute to the betterment of women and babies; it sets us against each other for no purpose whatsoever. The thing about a good, solid, well-constructed argument is that invariably, both sides of the issue learn something and see further into their opponent's mindset. Everyone is bettered, perspective is gained, and we're that much closer to being a unified force...unified behind the true betterment of the situation here for mothers and babies.

I'd like to address a few of the real arguments brought up in the course of the commentary on Rixa's post...

Always be suspicious of motive when someone tries to make you do something that makes a lot of money for them

Maternity "care" is critical to the profitability of a hospital, and the more this can be managed, the more profit a hospital makes. The cesarean rate in the US is at levels so high (31.1% in 2006) that the World Health Organization considers it to be a "crisis." Scheduled cesareans are the epitome of optimally profitable managed birth. UnitedHealthcare sends maternity patients a brochure in late second trimester, offering them the option of a scheduled 39-week cesarean.

My cesarean, NICU stay, and hospital stay netted the hospital nearly $27,000, the anesthesiologists nearly $11,000, and a heap of other people other monies, and cost my insurance company a bundle.

My home birth cost my insurance company $3,000. Period.

So who stands to make money off my choice of birth? Hmm...

"You should be grateful you have a healthy baby/All that matters is a healthy baby"

Well, yeah, of course. But that's so not the whole story. Read Gretchen Humphries' brilliant essay "You Should Be Grateful."

There is room in this world for good experiences for both.

"Birth is about the baby, not the mother"

This letter, published in the ICAN eNews a little while back, says it all.

I am a lawyer who went to a top ten law school and then to a top tier firm. I used to be very mainstream in my views. I thought women who chose to give birth at home were reckless. When I got pregnant and was given the option of having a c-section, I readily agreed. I never went into labor and my c-section went flawlessly. I researched it, so I expected that my arms would be tied down, that I would likely shake from the anesthesia, and that I would not be able to hold my baby. That was ok, because I was ready for it. I handled the drugs well and, as a result, actually remember the first 24 hours. My recovery was uncomplicated.

My daughter, however, got the worst of it--which isn't even really that bad considering other stories I've heard. She was so sleepy and zoned out from the drugs that we had to put ice on her bare skin to wake her up enough to feed. She developed jaundice as a result of not eating enough. Because she couldn't feed properly (because she was so drugged), my milk never came in properly--which was a problem since it turned out she was allergic to all of the formulas they had. Given her allergies, breast milk would have really helped. She kept losing weight. She was diagnosed with failure to thrive. It was a very scary time, because we thought she might die.

On a long term basis, because she never came through the birth canal, her gut didn't get colonized with the right bacteria. That translates into the gut and immune system dysfunction she has today and the medicine that we give our 3.5 year old 5 to 6 times a day. She is also on a severely restricted diet--no wheat/gluten, dairy/casein, soy, citrus, etc. Bacteriologists say that the first germs that the baby is exposed to will set the tone for the baby's life. Those germs really need to come from the vagina.

The c-section went well for me, personally. I was very, very lucky as you will see from other stories you read. It did NOT go well for my daughter. I am now pregnant with a second child and plan to do all I can to deliver vaginally. A c-section still seems like an easy choice sometimes. Indeed, if I were giving birth to a tumor, not a baby, I might be inclined to do it, in spite of the crazy risks. But I will not put this baby at risk.

I'm a litigator and I love evidence. Crazily enough, the evidence is strongly in favor of vaginal birth. I believe that the cavalier attitude of OBs toward this major surgery is a result of a combination of factors (preference for control, fear of malpractice, higher payment, surgery is more "fun," lack of education on natural birth as opposed to how to manage an impending crisis, etc.). But carefully look at the evidence first, before you make up your mind. The evidence really does speak for itself and I'll let someone else who is better versed in the evidence point you in the right direction.

And with cesarean delivery, the baby itself is more likely to die. The US has the second worst newborn death rate in the developed world, despite the fact that we spend more money on "medical care."

How is it that we forgot that babies and mothers are a dyad? You can't truly separate the well-being of the mother from the well-being of the baby, not even with a scalpel. Go ahead; tell me that a mother who lives and a baby who dies, or a baby who lives and a mother who dies, deserve to be a separate statistic. I don't know a mother or a child in either circumstance who doesn't have a little bit of them die too, even if the statistics don't neatly account for it.

"But women used to die in childbirth!"

Read the news; they're dying now. Ask the families of Tatia Oden French, Valerie Scythes, Melissa Farah, Caroline Wiren, how they feel about the safety of hospital birth. Ask Claudia Mejia. Ask Amber Marlowe. Ask Dennis Quaid how safe hospitals are for babies.

Disaster can strike anywhere. But the idea that hospitals are inherently safe is not valid, and demonstrably so. There is no choice you can make that's an automatic get-out-of-jail-free card. The reason most women default to hospital birth is because that choice is presented as being blameless. If something happens in the hospital, well, that's just bad luck, but if it happens at home, that's bad decision making, with the mother occupying the role of bad guy, all by herself. This is not fact, this is not logic; this is marketing spin.

On Judgment

I have been told that my cesarean was a personal failure. I have been told that having a midwife present for my second birth was a personal failure. I have seen fully-medicalized birthers rip midwifery advocates apart, both live and online. I have seen women spend an ungodly amount of energy and time shredding at each other.

For what? I deeply believe that women who choose hospital birth do so because they want the safest and best for their babies. I deeply believe the same thing of the home birth set. So why are we still attacking each other?

Fear. And Judgment.

In the final analysis, birthing carries risk. Living carries risk. There are no guarantees anywhere that if you make all the "right" choices, you and yours will be saved from tragedy. Lightning strikes, and all the planning and research and analysis in the world will not save you from that. It comes down, in the end, to supporting each other the best we possibly can, to making our choices from a place of confidence, not a place of fear. If you're birthing in a hospital, do so because that's what feels safest to you. If you're birthing unassisted at home, do so because it speaks to you and feels right to you. Fear has no place in any decision about birthing.

A friend of mine who just had what she calls her "victorious homebirth after two cesareans" says:

Since our life-changing home birth I've encountered so much more support than we imagined possible. I cannot believe how many friends and acquaintances have said, "I sure wish WE had seriously considered birthing our children at home." Obviously there is a slow shift being made in the birthing climate of America. But there are also many other comments we've heard like, "I'm glad it worked out for you," which I now see as such a pitiful way to view birth--like it's a matter of luck. But I know that's the reality for most people. If these critics knew the amount of time, prayer, and research we put into this decision and into the type of provider we selected, they might have to consider why EVERYONE doesn't invest that kind of time and prayer in their own birthing decisions. For us, the search was priceless and ultimately put us in far better control of our decisions. And beyond the stats and truths we uncovered during this journey, we discovered something far more valuable: faith. After asking for guidance, begging for deliverance, and recognizing our answer, I was overcome with a peace that I have to say I've never experienced after praying before--and as the preacher's daughter I've spent a good many years on my knees in prayer. It was amazing to simply ask and to find the undeniable peace we so desperately desired. So THIS is what answered prayer feels like. I understand that's not much of a factor in modern society, which makes me incredibly sad.

We've also had to endure a number of horrible birth stories where someone nearly died "even in a hospital birth" (the fetal and maternal monitors didn't discover there was a problem until it was too late). I'm never sure how to take this kind of response to the introduction of our new baby. If these tactics are in an effort to get me to debate the home vs. hospital issue, I'm not taking the bait. My decision isn't up for debate--especially with those who've invested little in the search for truth other than personal experience and hearsay. I can respect your birthing decision if you can respect mine.

Standing together, we can do so much more good for everyone, than we can by compartmentalizing each other and shredding on anyone who doesn't share our precise set of birth circumstances. Different does not have to equal wrong. But the way things are right now, fear is controlling the cards, and we need to put down our differences, and stand together for a set of choices in birth and baby care that puts the U.S. back up at least in the top 10, because when it all comes down...the choice between home and hospital is not the point. The point is that women and babies are dying in utterly unacceptable numbers, and they're dying because our social, medical, and economic systems are not supporting women.

And women are not supporting women either. So let's focus on what matters.

Guest Post #1

This first guest post comes from Sheridan Ripley, a proud VBAC mom of 3 busy boys, Loving Lactivist, Positive Birth Story Collector, Hypnobabies Instructor and Hypno-doula. She has several websites and blogs: Orange County Hypnobabies, Positive Birth Stories, and a Birth Blog.

I invited Sheridan to write a guest post because of some of the comments about LDS birth choices. At least one commenter asserted that TopHat and I were fanatical homebirthers and that we were not practicing what we preach when we chose unassisted births. I assert that, by following spiritual guidance and seeking Priesthood blessings for our pregnancies and births, we were definitely practicing what we preach. Sheridan's birth stories--as different as they are from my own--show how she also followed spiritual promptings.

Each birth is different and unique. Our views of birth change over time and with our experiences. Birth is unpredictable and that is part of its beauty. I have had 3 very different birth experiences. Each taught me something important and each changed me as a women and a mother. I learned that my intuition (or the promptings of the Holy Ghost) is one of my most powerful tools as a mother. This has proven to be true not just during my pregnancy and births, but also as I continue to raise my boys. The first part of my post focuses on my pregnancies and births.

My Births

Devon: I was hoping for a NCB (natural childbirth) with my first baby. I took a Bradley class and things were moving along nicely when suddenly I ended up on bedrest at 25 weeks for pre-term labor (PTL). I wasn’t able to finish my classes, but was still hoping to have a NCB. I ended up changing care providers at 27 weeks because I felt my OB was not listening to me and my concerns. I was in and out of the hospital 7 or 8 times. One day while driving, Rob and I started talking about why I this was happening, and we both felt there was a BIGGER reason than just the PTL. We might never know why, but it was important I was experiencing this. That brought me a lot of comfort, as it was pretty mind-numbing being on bedrest.

I woke up one morning at 34 weeks and noticed the baby wasn’t moving. I knew the importance of being aware of your baby’s movements from a TV show I had watched years ago. (I think this is the reason I was on bedrest; I doubt I would have noticed so fast the decrease in movement if I hadn’t been on bedrest.) I drank some juice and still nothing. I suddenly KNEW in my heart something was wrong with the baby. I really thought I had lost him. I called the OB who had me drink more juice and told me to call back an hour later.

I “obeyed” and after about 30 minutes with still no movement, I woke my husband up (he is a late sleeper) and was crying and told him something was wrong and we were going to the hospital no matter what they said when we called back. We got ready to go, called and they set up an appointment at 1:30 pm for a NST (non-stress test). I still wish I had truly followed my intuition and just gone in right then, but we waited.

My husband gave me a blessing to help calm me down. In it he blessed that Devon would be ok and that he would come when he was ready. As soon as he said he would be ok, I felt a large weight come off of my shoulders. I KNEW that the baby was going to be ok. The blessing brought me a lot of comfort.

We got to the NST place early but had to wait until they got back from lunch. They got me on the monitors; there was his heartbeat, and I thought everything was fine. They used a little noisy vibrator on my belly to try and wake him up. Devon kept on sleeping, but it made me have contractions, which made his heart rate drop. (I didn’t understand the significance of that at the time.) A new nurse came in and said we would be having our baby that day. I thought she was in the wrong room. Quickly it became apparent that there was a problem and it was safer for the baby to be out NOW.

We headed across the street to the hospital. Rob wanted to know if I wanted another blessing. I said I didn’t need one; the first one said he would come when he was ready, so I trusted that he was ready. My NCB dream was shattered. I was thrust into this emergency cesarean situation. I am grateful I was able to have a spinal so I was awake when Devon was born. He was 4 pounds 3 ounces. It was a very surreal and scary situation. I had been lying in bed for 9 weeks so the baby wouldn’t come early, and now I was having a surgery to get him out early.

I got to see him for a few minutes, and then Rob went to the NICU with him. I was left alone in the recovery room in a lot of pain and feeling so empty. It was not the birth I had hoped for, but the farthest thing from it. It took years to really get over it. But I knew it was a life-saving operation for Devon, so I was never angry. I always say that day was the scariest and happiest day of my life.

It is amazing what a mother will do for her child. If I said to you, “will you lie in bed for 9 weeks and then have a major surgery to help somebody you have never met?” odds are you would think I was crazy. But if it was for your baby of course you would.

So from this birth I learned that birth is unpredictable; we can plan for one thing and get something totally different. That there are moments in time that will be seared in our memory. That scary things can be happy things. That with sadness there can be joy. The most important thing I learned is that our intuition can save lives and we must listen to it and follow as we are led.

Carson: I had a lot of baggage from the first pregnancy and birth. I was scared, but I didn’t want fear to motivate me in my choices. My husband had seen a Dateline show on hypnosis and birth and suggested I look into it. I found a HypnoBirthing class an hour away and we took the class. I found it very healing, I was able to let go of my fears about carrying full term and about my ability to have a vaginal birth. I moved forward in this pregnancy with faith in my body. I think that had I not had these tools, I would have remained very fearful of pregnancy and birth, and that would have in turn affected my pregnancy and birth.

I was of course highly aware of Carson’s movements. I chose to have biweekly NSTs from 34 weeks on; they gave me a level of comfort that I needed. My goals for this birth were to go full term, to have a vaginal birth, and to double Devon’s birth weight, so I was shooting for an 8 pound 6 ounce baby. While I knew birth could be unpredictable and of course if an emergency arose I would do whatever needed to be done for my baby, I still wanted to focus on what I WANTED—my ideal birth.

I was pregnant for 42 weeks with Carson, 8 weeks longer than I had been with Devon. After Devon I had said, “I will never complain about getting big or going over.” Well, I had a lot of chances to prove it that was possible. I did get HUGE. I might have complained a bit, but overall I was content. I was hoping to go un-medicated for this birth. But after 14 hours of comfortable labor I lost focus and was having back labor, so at 17 hours I chose to get an epidural. This was the right choice for me at the time and I never regretted getting it.

After 21 hours of birthing time with almost 3 hours of pushing, my 9 pound 4 ounce baby boy was born vaginally. I felt exhausted but thrilled. I had done it! Carson was in my arms and I was so proud. It was a healing birth in so many ways.

Bryson’s pregnancy: I wanted to use hypnosis again, because I knew it could work, but I wanted more tools, so I found Hypnobabies. My main goal for this birth was an un-medicated vaginal birth. I knew I could do it.

At my 33 week appointment I said I wanted to get my NST scheduled. My OB said I didn’t need it; all was well. I wasn’t sure why, but I really insisted I get it scheduled. My intuition said I needed that. I pointed out a weird rash on my leg and my stomach was itchy. She brushed it off and said to go to my primary care physician. This led into the most challenging section of any of my pregnancies. Yes, it was even harder than bedrest!

I had PUPPS, a pregnancy-related rash, which care providers don’t seem informed about or really care about because there is “no medical effect” on mom or baby. Well, let me tell you it rocked my world and stressed me out to no end, and that surely had an effect on my baby. It took prayers, blessings and that NST to help me survive.

Labor Day weekend was coming up and that Friday I went to my first NST. I almost didn’t go because putting clothes on was painful. I knew the baby was ok, so I was tempted not to go. I really felt I should (intuition again). I got there and the nurses saw my belly, which by now was a red inflamed horrific sight. They quickly got the high risk OB, who diagnosed me with one of the worse case of PUPPS he had ever seen. I was thrilled that someone was finally listening to me and caring. He gave some prescriptions.

Now, I typically do not take even a Tylenol when pregnant. Each situation is different and I have learned not to judge others, because, let me tell you, I ran to the pharmacy and slathered that cream on my belly and popped a pill in my mouth. I was at the point where I would have signed up for a repeat cesarean at 37 weeks to make this rash end. Though I have since learned that birth does not always end PUPPS, I have also since learned of more natural remedies that can help PUPPS moms, including acupuncture, which I would certainly try first if I had it again. This is a great example of how limited information affects your choices. The medical establishment has one answer and that is drugs or intervention. When a woman is fearful or uncomfortable she makes that choice, because it seems to be the only one.

That night I had another blessing and continued with my prayers. The medicine helped, I still had PUPPS the rest of my pregnancy. I slept with socks on my hands, so I wouldn’t scratch myself to bleeding while sleeping. I was naked (well, loose PJs, no underwear) for the majority of the days, dressing only when I had to leave the house. But I was able to handle that compared to what it had been. I carried Bryson to 41.5 weeks. I only wish I had taken pictures. I still have scars on my legs. I can only imagine had I not gone to that NST I would have ended up in the ER over Labor Day weekend for a mental breakdown of some sort.

Bryson’s birth itself was the most amazing experience of my life. (You can read the complete story here or see the video here.) I had my husband, a doula, a good hospital with a supportive nurse, and my Hypnobabies tools. I had a completely unmedicated COMFORTABLE birth.

I woke up at 1 in the morning with pressure waves that would shock me out of sleep. I popped in a Hypnobabies CD and was able to “sleep” as long as a CD was on. It kept me aware enough that I could stay relaxed if a pressure wave came and I could stay comfortable. This allowed me to stay well rested. In the morning I just wanted to be left alone, so we got the boys off to school or with friends. I hung out, puttering around, wondering if this was really the day. (I had had days of prodromal labor.)

By 10:30 am I decided this was it. I was settled into my hospital room with my husband and doula by my side by 1 pm. I was comfortable and walking the halls, chatting between pressure waves. At 4:30 pm I choose to have my water broken, as I was still 5cm with a bulging bag of waters (which I had been at noon). Things quickly progressed and I was ready to start pushing around 6:45 pm.

I really loved pushing. I felt like a lion roaring my baby out. It was so powerful and amazing. I was still comfortable. The OB said, “You are going to feel the ring of fire now.” I remember thinking, “I haven’t felt any pain yet; no need to now.” And I bounced her comment right off my bubble of peace. (Hypnobabies tool.) I felt only pressure through the whole birth.

Bryson was in my arms at 6:59 pm, and he didn’t leave them for almost 2 hours. Here is what I wrote about it that night…

That was amazing, beautiful, a miracle. Everything I wanted and more. I feel so empowered that I gave birth, completely un-medicated to a healthy 9 pound baby boy. He came straight from inside me—onto my chest, where he stayed undisturbed for over an hour. The first 20 minutes or so his eyes stayed closed and he just hung out snuggled to my chest. Then he started rooting around. Someone helped me get him latched on—it is funny you forget how to do these things, he has a STRONG suck—he went to town—then slowly he started opening his eyes—looking around at the world—at me, his mom. It was honestly almost surprising to see a BABY laying on me. I actually have another baby of my own. I am so blessed. He looks like his own little person.

Bryson’s birth showed me the power of my mind and the power of my body. It was such an empowering experience. It has changed the way I think about myself and birth. I wish every mom could experience a birth like that.

My thoughts about birth as a spiritual event

Birth is a spiritual event in our lives. (At least it can be.) Pregnancy and Birth are an amazing time where a spirit is making this step of his journey into this mortal world. I know that the Holy Ghost can guide us as we plan our families, comfort us as we deal with losses, warn us if something is wrong, reassure us if all is well.

I think that it is a gift that not enough people use or trust. It can be a HUGE help as we plan our births, it can let us make the best choices for OUR family and THIS birth, even if it is different than what we planned or what we had chosen for our other births. We need to do our research, we need to make our choices, but the spirit can confirm if it is a good choice for us. It isn’t for me to judge what the best choice for others is. I am happy to share information and encouragement, but I will support them in what they chose is best for them. I can’t know what is best for their family, it isn’t my birth, it is their birth!

Birth is a learning event in our lives. (At least it can be) It has taken me 3 births and reading a lot of books to get to the point where I would feel comfortable having a homebirth. This comfort level also has a lot to do with what I have seen as a doula. Watching a birth as an observer rather than the birthing mom is very eye opening. It really shows how a mom in a hospital is just on a conveyor belt of institutionalized care, getting one size fits all care. It is sad and scary to me to see all that goes on in hospitals and how a lot of the routine interventions they do actually cause problems.

I also know that if I were planning a homebirth, but felt the need to switch to a hospital birth, I would follow that impression. I would trust that Heavenly Father would guide me in my next pregnancy and birth as He has guided me through my first three. I would trust that if I listen and respond to the impressions I receive, all would end like it was meant to.

It is important to respect others’ birth choices. The more I learn and have experiences the more I realize it is such an individual thing and all I can do is offer information and support. Three years ago if a friend told me she was planning an unassisted birth, I would have thought something along the lines of "that is crazy." I hope I would have been kind enough to say, "that is your choice and I wish you well." But today I can understand it and respect it. I would probably ask some questions and see what her motivation is. If she isn’t aware of supportive care providers, I would give her some names. Then I would support her in her choice. Since I have had fantasies of having an unplanned unassisted birth in my kitchen…I would probably share that with her. :)

Unassisted birth wouldn’t be my first choice for a future birth. But I know that if I were in a location where I couldn’t find a care provider to support me in a VBAC, I would choose an unassisted birth over a repeat cesarean. It would take a lot of prayer and blessings to be comfortable with that, but I personally couldn’t choose to have an elective cesarean if it was not medically necessary.

In the past I have had the same gut reaction of "that is crazy" to moms telling me they were planning cesareans. But today I ask questions and share information and then support them in their choices. It is such a hot topic and very emotionally charged. I have a whole series of posts on moms choosing cesareans on my blog.

So, this has been a very long post about birth choices and how each and every birth is different. We can learn from our own and from others’ choices. The most important part is that we can receive guidance from our intuition throughout our pregnancy and birth. If we trust birth, trust ourselves and make the best choices we can, the journey will be an empowering one.

Sheridan recommended a few birth stories that show the power of a mother's intuition:

Here is a GREAT birth story about a mom who was planning a home birth and early in her birthing time she knew she needed to go to the hospital.

Another great story, planned homebirth, but mom doesn’t feel right about it when things start, so she goes to the hospital. Turns out baby is breech, but she has a vaginal breech birth, with a doctor who keeps his cool and supports mom in her choice.

FAST planned homebirth story, midwife didn’t have time to get there. There is a scary moment of baby getting stuck, BUT mom listened to her intuition and it ended great.

It's time for a lecture

The comments in the last post degenerated into one of the ugliest mud-slinging, epithet-hurling, and name-calling episodes I have ever seen on this blog. Even after I requested--not once but twice--to refrain from personal attacks and to keep the comments civil, rude and insulting comments kept coming.

And the logical fallacies. Oh, the logical fallacies... I saw character attacks, slippery slope arguments, emotional appeals, false dilemmas, begging the question, hasty generalizations, non sequiturs, red herrings, and straw man arguments.

If you don't know what these logical fallacies are, you had better refresh the skills you (should have) learned in freshman rhetoric or composition.

If you do know what they are, and used them anyway, shame on you!

As punishment, you are going to have to read several guest posts addressing some of the issues raised in the comments section. And you will be hearing from me, of course. And boy do I have some good things to say!

Someone loves me (not)

Thought you'd get a chuckle out of this person who was grossed out by home birth and placenta prints. She left a few nice comments (sarcastic cough) on my choice to name Zari and then wrote a about how she finds placenta prints gross on her own blog.

Here's the infamous placenta print, framed and hung up in my bedroom. I found the frame at a garage sale for $1. I taped over the canvas and spray painted it satin black.

Frugal cloth diapering tips & links

Please send me your best frugal cloth diapering tips or links, and I'll repost them here!

Here are a few of mine:

• Don't buy cloth wipes; just cut up old t-shirts or other cotton knits into squares. No need to hem or serge the edges if it's a knit rather than a woven.
  
• Sew your own diapers if you have the skills, time, and equipment.
  
• Use recycled materials for some or all of your diapers and wipes: you can use t-shirts, sweatshirts, etc for the absorbent parts (as long as they're a natural fabric or a microfiber) and wool sweaters for covers. Go crazy at the thrift store on their bargain days!
  
• Here's a site from Fern and Faerie on frugal diaper sewing: how to make flatfolds, prefolds, and fitteds for a song. '
• If you buy brand-name diapers to try out, resell the ones you don't want to keep at Diaperswappers. (Or buy yours there!)

From Rebecca:

My last baby was cloth diapered for practically free. We scored an entire stash of cloth diapers (unused!) on Freecycle so I recommend using Freecycle as a resource too! I made wool covers from sweaters. Any other diapers I added to our stash were made from recycled materials like you mentioned ;)

I prefer cloth wipes made from flannel. Flannel receiving blankets can be picked up in nice quantities at yard sales and make great wipes. I usually made mine double sided,with one side being flannel and the other soft terry towling (also used from towels picked up at yard sales).The towley side just makes messy diaper changes that much easier.

From Jill:

I used to Dumpster-dive religiously when I lived in Austin. I would stockpile boxes upon boxes of clothes dug from the trash, and I made an entire stash for my son and my niece for free (not counting cost of the sewing machine I bought, thread, elastic, and Velcro, which were bargains I bought on Ebay). It was a great way to recycle perfectly usable clothes that would have otherwise wound up in a landfill. People are so wasteful!

Sweatshirts/sweatpants make GREAT soaker material, as long as they are at least 50% cotton. You can use just about anything for inners/outers: sheets, flannel PJs, T-shirts, jeans, fleece jackets, pretty much any washable cotton article of clothing that you can cut into a diaper shape! Old ratty towels or holey bathrobes make good soaker material too. And of course don't forget wool sweaters for longies! You can use fleece jackets or blankets for wraps too.

Polyester blend shirts also make good swim diapers (think Hawaiian!), since they are similar to swimsuit material. You can use a thin towel for the inner, or anything cotton would be fine. I made an adorable bikini w/diaper for my niece out of a polyester dress.

The best part of using recycled clothes is that you can come up with cool and unique looks that you would never find on a rack at a fabric store. Well, okay, the best part is that they're FREE, but the coolness factor is the second best part for sure!

I learned how to sew diapers from this tutorial: http://mayna.livejournal.com/198548.html It took me about a year of practicing and tweaking to perfect my own pattern, which fits my son better than any diaper I've ever bought! That's another bonus of sewig your own dipes: total custom-ability. You can combine things you like or need from other diapers all into one and get the PERFECT fit.

From Julie:

Hi! We've got a great list going here with lots of free sewing and knitting patterns. :)

All about cloth diapers

I am reposting advice and reviews from the comments section here. Come back often, since I imagine I'll be updating this as more suggestions come in!

From moi:

I sewed my own all-in-one (AIO) diapers with a Chloe Toes pattern. I made 24 newborn, 24 small (10-20 lbs), and 18 medium (13-26 lbs). I have tried out the following fabrics: cotton terry, hemp terry, hemp fleece, and bamboo velour. My favorite is the bamboo velour. I loved the hemp fleece at first--it was marvelously soft and fluffy--but I found that it became hard and compacted after a lot of wear & washing. It still worked fine, though.

I modified the Chloe Toes pattern to close with hook & loop (velcro). I prefer velcro over snap closures--more adjustable and easier to do with one hand. I used Aplix for the loop side and Touch Tape for the hook side. For the NB and S sizes, I made a soaker flap that was sewn down to the front of the diaper, rather than sandwiching it inside. It did cut down slightly on drying time. I found that once Zari was active & mobile, especially walking, the flap would tend to get scrunched up a bit. So for the next size of diapers (M), I put the soaker back inside the inner layers of the diaper. I used 1 mil PUL for the waterproof layer.

I like the Chloe Toes pattern a lot. I had 3-4 layers of absorbent fabric total, including the soaker, so it doesn't hold a lot of liquid. But I kind of wanted it that way, since I change her as soon as she wets. Okay, within a few minutes that is! They do leak around the legs when she pees a lot if I don't change her right away, because the moisture wicks on the fold-over-elastic (FOE). I hear that can be remedied by spraying Camp Dry on the elastic, but I haven't tried that.

Washing: I dry pail with a large stainless steel flip-top trash can that has a plastic liner. It was around $35 at Wal-Mart. I don't use any odor eliminators or anything, just put the diapers right in the can. When her poop became more solid, I'd dump it into the toilet first (sometimes use a bit of toilet paper to wipe it off). I do two full wash cycles. The first one I put a little OxyClean and a little detergent (have used a variety, whatever is on hand) and a scoop of baking soda. If I remember, I'll put a little vinegar in the rinse cycle. Then I do second full wash cycle with nothing added, except perhaps a few drops of Tea Tree Oil.

I dry in the dryer. for 70-80 minutes on high. Too cold & wet most of the year to dry them outside.

From Märia:

Mothering magazine came out with like 3 articles about cloth diapering last month. I decided to switch then. I am using mostly all-in-ones Thristies brands. They work wonderfully, the best part about them are the leg gussets, no leaks. They are kinda expensive, $17 each. If you buy them at www.earthangelsdiaperco.com you can buy 6 and get 6 free inserts, which are not necessary, but why not. I'd suggest reading the article though to gegt a more comprehensive idea. Since I had no idea there were so many different kinds, and brands.

From Rebecca:

I was happiest with snap-to-fit fitted diapers (I had a stash given to me and then made more myself I loved them so much) and wool covers.I cloth diapered all 5 of my children and I probably have used everything out there and that's what worked the best for us. I always had a nice stash of thick prefolds on hand too and the Snappi fasteners were fabulous. Much better than the traditional diaper pins I used with my first born! Yikes.I don't miss those days...

From Annie:

I just put this together for a friend of mine.

Here are my recommendations for a budget conscious newborn diaper
stash, that will last you the first 4-5 months until he's 15lbs. Then
you need to get the next size up.
With this setup, you'll do laundry 3x/week.
I have put this together from 2 vendors I love, both of which do registries.
But browse around, there are many options!

From Wildflower Diapers:

Kissaluvs contours - 12
Inexpensive but work quite well.
http://www.wildflowerdiapers.com/catalog.php?item=1202&catid=51&ret=catalog.php%3Fcategory%3D51
Size NB/Small

Kissaluvs Fitted - 12
You will want to order the accompanying liners
http://www.wildflowerdiapers.com/catalog.php?item=883&catid=51&ret=catalog.php%3Fcategory%3D51
Size 0

Chinese Prefolds - 12
These can be tricky to figure out at first, but they are definitely
the most economical.
http://www.wildflowerdiapers.com/catalog.php?item=413&catid=21&ret=catalog.php%3Fcategory%3D21
Size Infant

BumGenius One-Size pockets - 6
These are great for night time & they will grow with the baby. I am
saving up to buy some for Bea.
http://www.wildflowerdiapers.com/catalog.php?item=661&catid=51&ret=catalog.php%3Fcategory%3D51

2 Wahmies pail liners:
http://www.wildflowerdiapers.com/catalog.php?category=155
One will always be diner

Wipes:
http://www.wildflowerdiapers.com/catalog.php?item=678&catid=29&ret=catalog.php%3Fcategory%3D29

Odor Remover:
http://www.wildflowerdiapers.com/catalog.php?item=1250&catid=39&ret=catalog.php%3Fcategory%3D39

Foaming pump bottle:
http://www.wildflowerdiapers.com/catalog.php?item=971&catid=39&ret=catalog.php%3Fcategory%3D39

Microfleece doublers - 6
These will boost your pockets at night, or pad your prefolds for extra
absorbency.
http://www.wildflowerdiapers.com/catalog.php?item=489&catid=33&ret=catalog.php%3Fcategory%3D33

Cotton Doublers - 10
Less absorbent/trimmer than microfleece. I have a combo & use both.
http://www.wildflowerdiapers.com/catalog.php?item=151&catid=33&ret=catalog.php%3Fcategory%3D33

EcoBabies fitteds
These are a little pricy but I love them & wish I had more. They're a
good "luxury" item for your registry. The do need doublers.

From Natural Babies:

Bummis Super Brite covers - 3 NB, 3 S
http://store.naturalbabies.com/store/WsDefault.asp?One=3274

Bummis Super Whisper Wrap - 3 NB, 3 S
http://store.naturalbabies.com/store/WsDefault.asp?One=2699<