These are my biggest fears. I am going to list them no matter how silly they might seem on paper. Instead of pretending they don’t exist, I am going to broadcast them to whoever wants to read them.
In no particular order:
1. Having a cesarean section. Even if it was truly “necessary.” (I would be skeptical of that diagnosis for anything but a very small number of reasons, including: complete placenta previa, cord prolapse, shoulder/transverse presentation that doesn’t resolve with labor, or massive placental abruption.)
2. Having an operative delivery (forceps or vacuum extraction).
3. Transferring to a hospital and having to fight for what I want.
4. “Losing it” during labor and transferring to a hospital and later regretting it.
5. Taking pain medications and then having people smirk and say “I told you so.” Obviously I would have to be in a hospital for that.
6. Making the wrong decision about where to birth, and whom to invite. I honestly cannot say I know 100% that planning to birth unassisted is the right choice. I’d say it’s more like 90%. I cannot think of any more appealing alternatives though. I do have a good midwife friend who might be able to come, but it’s not certain. She also lives 3 hours away so I cannot plan on having her there on time.
7. Wanting a certain kind of birth so much that I will ignore what is really best for me. Maybe I would have a better experience with a “low profile midwife” (I love Michel Odent’s term!!). Or maybe I invite a midwife for the birth, but I would have been better off by myself.
8. My husband freaking out when I am in labor and disrupting me. Let’s face it—adrenaline is not a good thing for laboring women to be around.
9. Losing the baby and having people blame me for it. My husband especially.
Those are my biggest fears. Now what to do about them...comments or suggestions appreciated!