Birth in the caul

I want to share these two stunning photographs of babies being born in the caul. The first is from a twin birth by photographer Leilani Rogers of www.photosbylei.com.*

The second photo was taken during a cesarean section and shared by Greek obstetrician Aris Tsigris.

I feel such a sense of awe and mystery when I look at these pictures. Even though I've had four children, I still wonder how they folded up inside. Seeing a baby born, yet not fully emerged, gives me a fleeting glimpse into the hidden life of the unborn baby.

This is me trying to figure out how Inga managed to fit inside of me.

*You may share this photo if you give credit and include a link to Leilani Roger's website www.photosbylei.com. 

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Breastfeeding photos

I am so excited to share the nursing photos I had taken last week! Meg Gregory of m.e.g. photography offered mini-sessions to nursing mothers: a 10 minute session and 5 high-res images for $35. She ended up sending me 10 color images plus B&W copies.

This is the best $35 I have ever spent. Ever.

We took some breaks to play and see what was going on.

Ivy spent a lot of her time *not* nursing. Like this:

I love this picture.

Stay tuned for an interview with the photographer!

If you were wondering, the dress is from zulily. I'm going to do an ombre dip-dye on the dress, since white is way too impractical.

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Ivy's birth quilt

Here's the finished quilt! I did most of the quilting carrying Ivy in a sling. She doesn't like being set down--which is fine and normal--but she is cozy and content as long as she's on someone's body. I'll probably hang it in Inga's bedroom, which will eventually become Ivy's room when she's big enough to sleep on her own. It looks even better in real life with all the quilting and textures and different fabrics.

The top has a hanging loop of rainbow fabric scraps left over from Zari's Halloween costume:

I finally embroidered the Prince of Wales Hotel onto the square of Waterton National Park in Alberta (month 2):

The back of the quilt is fun, too:

Zari has been asking for her own quilt, since I only started making birth quilts with Dio. So during my last month of Ivy's pregnancy, I started cutting out squares of fabric. We're doing a simple design in a gradual rainbow of colors, all made from leftover fabric scraps. The front is all sewn together now.

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Ivy's birth photos

I received 464 photos from the photographer and narrowed them down to 84. I just couldn't go any lower!

Looking through the photos was a surprisingly emotional experience for me--but not in the way I expected. I was flooded with a sense of sadness, knowing that this probably will be our last baby. The photos were the last part of the birth I was still waiting on, so when they arrived they brought with them a bittersweet sense of closure.

Yesterday we had a gathering with friends & colleagues from the university where we work. I also finished Ivy's birth quilt. The months of preparation and weeks of celebration are done. Now it's time to move forward. 

With a few exceptions, the photos are in chronological order. I love how the photographer captured what was going on all around the house: kids playing in the attic, birth assistants napping in the living room (they'd been up the night before at another birth), Eric making crepes after Ivy was born.

Before you view the pictures, look at:

• Ivy's birth story
• Ivy's birth video

For a full-screen slideshow, click on the image below (or click here).

Smaller slideshow here:


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Quilt square: Breastfeeding

I wanted the last quilt square to reflect the final part of the birth cycle: nursing a baby. In that sense, it's not the end, but the beginning. Good thing, otherwise I might cry at the thought of endings!

The design is based on the International Breastfeeding Symbol. For the background, I used linen pieces left over from dyeing the ombré sling fabric. The appliqué is a thick ivory stretch cotton.

Squares 1-9 are already sewn together. After I attach the last three, the next step is putting all the layers together and then we're on to quilting! I'll probably do everything by machine; it's so much faster than by hand.
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Quilt square: Birthday

I wanted a quilt square to represent the day Ivy was born. We'd just started seeing crocuses emerge, and then a huge blizzard hit. I used a piece of white fabric for the background that reminded me of branches covered with snow, then appliqued purple and yellow crocuses on top. I call it "Birthday."

Birth video coming tomorrow...I'm so excited to share it. I managed to edit it to 20 minutes total (down from almost 50 minutes of footage).

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Introducing...

We finally have a name!

Ivy Claire Freeze

Eric finally agreed this morning, somewhat reluctantly. Good thing he did, since my mom sent out official birth announcements--with the name--to her entire extended family last night.

Some names that almost made the final cut:
Raven
Brigitte (probably our overall 2nd choice, since my German grandma is named Brigitta, so it would have both German and French connections)
Gisèle (Eric's top choice, but I didn't care for this as much)
Adèle
Cécile
Indigo

We put Ivy's footprints on this quilt square, then I embroidered around the prints and washed the ink off. I have two more squares to make: one for her birth and one for the newborn stage.

If you're wondering how I did the letters, I printed the words, put the paper under the fabric, and drew the letters with a fabric marker. Then I sewed over the lines with a zig-zag stitch. I stretched the fabric in an embroidery hoop to keep it more stable while I sewed. The end result isn't as perfect as with an embroidery machine, but I'm okay with that.

Some pictures Zari took today:

And a few I took:

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Pregnancy: Month 9

Thanks to everyone for sending your Blessingway beads & wishes! I had so many different kind of beads, from large pendants to tiny faceted stones to charms. Instead of trying to figure out how to attach them all to one necklace, I had another idea: turn them into a quilt square! I had an old formal dress made of wine velvet from my high school days (I usually don't hang onto things, but for some reason had never donated this one). Perfect for this project! I embroidered three "chains" out of silver thread and then attached the beads. And the best thing is that I can continue to add new beads when/if they arrive.

So, this square is named "Beads" in honor of my ninth month of pregnancy. 

The finished birth quilt will have 3 more squares on the bottom row for the birth & postpartum period, bringing it to a total of 12 (3 wide, 4 high). I sewed the 9 together already and might even start quilting them together with the batting & backing fabric. It's always easier to get things done before the baby's here.

I also put everyone's Blessingway cards & letters into this baby's memory book. Remember how my family usually does Christmas crafts? This year we made handmade books. It's a great way to spend the evenings once the kids are in bed. The adults get to talk while our hands keep busy. I made two memory books: a leather-bound Japanese stab binding book with multicolored paper for Inga, and a Coptic-bound book for this new baby.

Since I'll be putting pictures and cards in, I put inserts between each page to account for the extra bulk once the books are filled.

I've really enjoyed reading your words of encouragement and support as my labor draws nearer.

I was awake for a few hours early in the morning with very strong, but sporadic, contractions. I wondered if they'd turn into labor, but once I got up they fizzled out. I did have some clear mucous for the first time--the kind I've always seen when my labors began. So no action for the moment, but it's definitely drawing nearer.

My mom is in the area, helping another sister who lives an hour away pack & move cross-country. So she's ready to come as soon as I need her.
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40 weeks pregnant

Time to come out, baby! I'm not going to evict you, but I'm ready whenever you are.

I'm pretty confident of which month I got pregnant, but I could be off my several days within that cycle. Since I likely conceived following an early miscarriage, I don't know exactly when to start counting the new cycle. I spotted for a week (when I would normally have had my period), then bled heavily for 9 more days. I'm counting my cycle as beginning when the heavy bleeding began--1 week "late" for my period. I also took a pregnancy test that day and it was negative...but of course it's an inexact science! I had a spot of bright red bleeding (implantation bleeding perhaps?) 19 days into my cycle, then 3 days of spotting starting at 28 days in. I confused this at first with a period, but retrospectively I don't think it was one.

All this meandering detail to say: I might be 40 weeks along...but I could be 39 and change or some other number close to 40. Not really sure!

I'm sleeping super well, and that has made a remarkable difference with this pregnancy compared to Inga's. I wake up about every hour to flip over, but I fall back asleep right away. I've also been taking naps most afternoons. I feel deliciously well-rested. With Inga I was going crazy with sleep deprivation the last two months.

So my Excel spreadsheet loving self made a graph of my fundal height and weight gain this pregnancy. You can clearly see the growth spurt in my 2nd trimester.

Here's the real-life belly:

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Pregnancy: Month 8

I'm trying to get the rest of my quilt squares posted soon, in case I go into labor and have a baby. I would have had Zari a week ago and Dio a day ago...so it could be any time. Of course I could have almost 2 weeks left if it were Inga.

For my 8th month of pregnancy, I created a quilt square with chevrons in roughly the same tones as my Blessingway invitation. This quilt will be made only with supplies I already have on hand. It's a great way to reduce my fabric stash. I named it "Blessingway."

Sewing chevrons is a pain. And even though I cut very long strips of fabric and kept a shallow angle, I barely was able to make the square big enough. I had a few other colors that were part of the original piece, but there was no room to include them on the top and bottom.

We picked up our car today. It took a lot longer than we had imagined. Poor kids were in the car(s) all day. They each got a huge balloon at the dealership, so that kept them content on the way home. Eric drove the Mazda5, and he says it definitely handles like a car rather than like a minivan. I believe the adjective he used to describe it was "zippy."

Buying this car was a real act of faith for me--faith that I am really, truly going to have a baby, hope that all will go well. It seems really audacious to imagine that I am really going to have another child! And who knows, maybe it will be quite soon. I've been having lots of crampiness and some decent, though irregular, contractions. Nothing like labor, but there's definitely stuff happening. 

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Pregnancy: Month 7

I had a hard time figuring out what to do for month 7 (January) and 8 (February). Unlike all the milestones of early and mid-pregnancy, these months were just more of the same. Baby's moving--still. My belly is nice and round--still--just getting bigger.

So for my seventh month of pregnancy, I decided to pick one of the silhouettes I'd made and turn it into a quilt square. It's called "Navel Gazing."

How I made this quilt square:

First, I held paper up to my computer screen and traced the silhouettes. Then I cut them out of black linen with an ivory linen background. Normally I'd use two-sided fusible web for attaching the appliques to the fabric, but I ran out. So I sealed the cut edges with Fray Check and stuck the pieces on with glue sticks & pins. Not the most elegant way to do it, but it works. Finally, I attached the appliques to the background fabric with a narrow zig-zag stitch around all the edges.

The hair and fingers were really tricky to cut out and sew around. But worth the effort!
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38 weeks pregnant

Am I ready for the big stretch? I would have said no a week or two ago. But my living room is done. My kitchen is also redone (thanks to some help from my little brother, who was here over the long weekend while Eric was away). My birth space is set up and the birth pool is inflated. I feel mentally open to the idea of laboring. I don't know if you can ever be totally prepared for birth, because you don't know what labor is going to throw at you. But I'm about as ready as I can be.

So want to hear some of the worries I have late in pregnancy? Of course there's the worry whether or not the baby will make it. Will the baby be born healthy? Will it have a major health problem or malformation? What if I have a persistent posterior presentation and need to transfer/have an epidural/a cesarean/whatever? (I only think about this last one because this baby loves to hang out posterior. Of course, so did Dio and Inga and I had zero problems with positioning or pushing during their labors.) 

Eric just got back from his conference this evening, so I can have the baby any time now. Eric said, "tonight would be great; I'd really love to cancel class tomorrow!"

My belly just started showing from side to side over the past 2 weeks. It's still really cute and compact, sticking straight out. Total weight gain is around 22 lbs. I'm measuring exactly on target at 38 cms. Blood pressure is still low (last reading was around 95/65). I wonder if that's why I get dizzy so easily, especially when I'm painting on a stepladder with my arms above my head. Once my brother got here, my mom made me promise to have him go on the ladder. I complied (mostly).

We still haven't found a car. The nice thing about living in the middle of town is that we really don't need a new car right away. It's pretty rare that we all drive somewhere together, except to go to church. We're still looking for a manual Mazda5, but they are almost impossible to find. We also discovered that the 2011 and newer Kia Sorentos were redesigned and get even better gas mileage (21/30 mpg) than the Mazda5. They come with optional 3rd row seats. What we're trying to find out--and none of the dealerships can give us a clear answer--is whether you can install 3rd row seats on the manual Sorentos. The manuals were never sold with the option of 3rd row seats. Is there a structural difference between the automatic and manual models? So far, no one can give us a good answer.

Still, I'm super frustrated at the lack of real choices for 6-7 passenger vehicles. Did you know that VW was going to sell their Touran here, but decided not to? It's a minivan that gets up to 61 mpg combined? And this is just one of many other 6-7 passenger vehicles that get between 45-55 mpg. The Chevy Orlando--sold in Canada but not in the US--comes in a diesel version overseas that gets up to 47 mpg on the highway. (How? diesel technology + manual transmission.) Count yourself lucky if you live in Europe or the UK--or anywhere outside North America, for that matter.
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Birth photography: yes or no?

Because this baby might be our last, I wanted to do something really special for the birth. I've done a belly cast, I've had a henna belly painting, I've made birth quilts. I've never had a doula--but then again, I never wanted one because I like being left alone during labor.

One thing I've never done is hire a professional photographer to capture the birth. For my first two births, I probably wouldn't have been comfortable having a photographer in the room. I needed complete privacy, and inviting a midwife for Dio's birth took a lot of trust and faith. But I've labored and birthed enough now to know my personal boundaries. This time, I really want someone there to capture the labor and birth. I treasure the snapshots that Eric or the midwife took, and my only regret is not having more of them. 

So I am thrilled to be working with Stephanie of Velvet Lotus Photography for this upcoming birth! She was looking for someone planning a home and/or water birth to round out her birth portfolio. I volunteered and am very excited that she took me on. We've corresponded about my style of birthing. She has also looked at all my birth stories and videos.

Velvet Lotus Photography

I'm extra motivated to get her (and the midwife, of course) here on time! It's just so hard to know when to call. I will definitely try to err on the early side.

Kristen at Birthing Beautiful Ideas just asked why would anyone want a photographer at their birth? What do you think about birth photography? What makes a good (or not so good) birth photographer?

My midwife gave the following list when I asked her:

Good birth photographers:

• are a quiet, almost invisible presence in the room
• focus on the woman and her family, rather than interacting too much with the staff
• don't attempt to "stage" or direct scenes, but rather capture the birth as it unfolds organically
• aren't overly chatty

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36 weeks pregnant

I'm almost 37 weeks now, but we've been crazy busy with home renovations, working on some of our rental units, and dealing with sick kids.

Pelvic instability has hit. I can feel my joints loosening, especially the symphysis pubis. Whenever I get up from sitting or lying down, I have to do belly dance hip circles before I can move. I also ran into major sleep issues about 10 days ago: inability to fall back asleep after 3 or 4 am. I finally gave in and started taking a half dose of Unisom 3 days ago, and it's made a tremendous difference. I feel like a normal, functional person again. I haven't had any of the weird breathing issues I had during Inga's pregnancy, thank goodness.

Eric was gone all last week doing book readings and classroom workshops. He has another trip scheduled for the end of next week, getting back March 10th, and I've been realizing more and more how much I do NOT want him to be gone. He's had this trip planned for a year now, and back when I was barely pregnant, having him leave for a few days didn't seem that big of a deal. After all, I've barely come to mental grips that I'm actually having a baby. I'll be almost 38 1/2 weeks when he gets back. I had Zari at 38 weeks, so it's entirely possible for me to have a baby when he's away. I've expressed very strongly how I would really rather he not be gone, but I have to accept the reality of his being away. I just called my younger brother, and he said he could come down and help out while Eric's gone. Then my mom found out and said, "There's no way you should be alone this far in your pregnancy! I will come help out while Eric is gone." (I hadn't even thought to ask her, since I figured she'd be too busy with work.)

All I can do now is hope and pray that I won't have the baby until he gets back.

The baby has been hanging out ROT/ROP recently. Still quite active and tons of movement up front and/or stretching my belly from side to side. Zari and Dio love to feel the baby squirm and kick and hiccup. Inga knows to say that there's a "baby inside Mama belly"--not sure how much of that she really understands, though. She found a container full of newborn socks and soft fabric shoes, and she's been carrying them around all day, exclaiming in a high-pitched voice, "baby shoes! baby socks!"

One of the big stressors I had to deal with while Eric was gone was evicting a family from one of our rentals. They moved in and didn't pay another penny of rent, ever. So we went through the whole eviction process...and then they didn't move out on the designated day.They gave excuse after excuse, but still they wouldn't leave. Finally I got them out 2 weeks past their eviction date and went by to pick up the keys. They had already left the apartment by time I arrived, probably because they had completely trashed the apartment in just 3 short months.

I hauled out almost 10 huge trash bags full of oozing garbage (mainly dirty diapers), slipping on the kitchen floor several times from the liquid nastiness. They left behind rooms full of old furniture. The carpets were covered in a thick layer of dirt and dried up food. Worst of all, every wall in the house was ruined. They had let their kids draw all over the walls with permanent marker, crayon, pen, and nail polish. They had thrown raw eggs and melted wax against the walls and on the carpets. They had also tossed cups full of soda and kool-aid onto the walls and let the liquids drip down and dry, leaving sticky streaks everywhere. And imagine the insect infestation as a result of them living like that...

It felt like a slap in the face, since we had just renovated the apartment from top to bottom. I've spent hours and hours scrubbing down walls, carrying down furniture, vacuuming carpets, and smashing bugs, with Dio and Inga in tow. Ugh. Ugh. I CANNOT understand how people can live like that. We've had to completely repaint the apartment--no small task in a 3-bedroom, 1,000 square foot space. (We hired someone, since I've been too busy painting and tiling at our own house.) It's almost done now. Next up: having the carpets deep cleaned.

I'm sorry, but having 3 small children is NO excuse for treating an apartment like that. For the place to be that badly damaged, the parents had to be not only allowing this behavior, but encouraging it.

~~ deep breath ~~

I really need some cheering up after that fiasco. How about sending me something for my virtual Blessingway? It's not too late, and you can always send it by email as well as snail mail. Here's the invite again, in case you missed it the first time. I'd love to hear from you :)

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34 weeks pregnant

Some days I feel huuuuuuge! I'm not actually that big, though. My belly sticks out a good amount, but from side to side it's quite narrow.

I've been sleeping well, yet I'm still exhausted much of the time. I'm used to being capable and active, so my desire to lie on my side all day and do nothing at all frustrates and surprises me. I've found that getting out for a walk helps restore my energy. Don't know why that is!

I'm hitting that turning point in pregnancy when having a baby goes from seeming very far away to unnervingly close. I haven't really integrated the reality of another labor and birth. But I have my home visit scheduled for next Saturday, so I had to gather all of my birth and postpartum supplies. I did a final shopping trip last night, and now I have everything organized in a central location, from diapers and pads to hydrogen peroxide and witch hazel to herbal salt baths and tinctures for bleeding and afterpains.

It's easy to gather supplies for a baby, but preparing emotionally is more complex. I can never entirely relax until the baby is safely earthside. I have enough friends and acquaintances--in person and online--who have lost babies or who have had children with severe health problems that I can't take a healthy baby for granted. And even after my children are born, I still worry about their survival. I am sure I'm not the only parent who checks to be sure their kids are still breathing at night! Not all the time of course, but sometimes I just have to pop into their bedrooms and listen to their soft snores.

I'm also painfully aware that there are people out there in internet-land who are circling, waiting for a tragedy to strike me or my baby so they can pick apart my life and triumphantly proclaim that "see, home birth kills babies!" or "see, Natural Birth Advocates(TM) are so stupid and ignorant!" I would never, ever dream of capitalizing on someone else's sorrow. So I have both public and private demons to wrestle.

I'm also feeling a bit lonely in this pregnancy. I'd love to have an awesome blessingway (like this one) but if it's going to happen, I'll have to organize it myself. That's depressing. I loved Dio's blessingway that my friend Julie put together...then I had to do Inga's on my own. And let's be honest, some of my friends would love it while others would probably feel waaaaay out of their element. If only I could somehow bring all my long-distance friends together from across (and beyond) the country...
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32 weeks pregnant

Zari finally got her turn in a pregnancy silhouette! She's not quite this tall--she was standing on a small step stool. Don't you love her outie? It was even more pronounced when she was little.

Things have been going really well with my pregnancy. My sacrum/sciatica hasn't been bothering me  except for a few small twinges. I'm sleeping reasonably well.

I've started the Birth Relaxation Kit, a birth hypnosis program similar to Hypnobabies (only at 1/3 the cost). I'll be writing up a full review of it after this birth. I'm pleased with the product so far. It's created by a husband-wife hypnotherapist team. Dr. Mavi Gupta is also a family physician, and her husband Jeremy is a musician. You can read their birth story here.

My only complaint: I cannot stay awake during the hypnosis sessions! I had the same problem when I did Hypnobirthing and Hypnobabies. I usually can make it all the way through the first time, but after that...ZZZZZZZZ! However, I always wake up right at the end of the track, so I hope the hypnosis is doing its job. In theory it's supposed to work even if you fall asleep. Or maybe I am just really, really good at going deep into hypnosis :)

Eric has been in Calgary for an academic trip, leaving me on my own with the kids. Every time he leaves, I realize how much admiration I have for single parents. It's hard enough being on my own for a few days at a time. The worst is the late afternoon/early evening, when I just need a few minutes to myself but cannot get it, ever. Dio and Inga have been waking up multiple times most nights, which is unusual. On top of everything else, Inga has been really sick. When she woke up this morning, her whole crib was covered in vomit--sheets, blankets, herself, even some of the carpet. She's been puking and having diarrhea all day and developed a fever this evening. Poor girl. Despite it all, she's been acting really happy and calm. We caught her last puke in a bowl, once I learned how to read her signs (if she whines and cries out of the blue, I have 5 seconds to grab a bowl).

I started removing the kitchen backsplash. I'll be posting a how-to DIY about removing old tile and re-tiling. I'm going back and forth between a modern mosaic and a more classic white marble subway tile. I'm leaning towards the marble tile. If I get ambitious, maybe I'll do a herringbone pattern.

Inga likes to measure her belly and listen to herself with my fetoscope. (Here's Zari listening to Dio back in 2011.) I measured 34 cms today, so only 2 cms ahead, rather than 5-6 cms ahead like I was measuring earlier.

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