Saturday, May 30, 2009


I was chatting with a friend the other day about Zari's sleep habits and our nighttime routines. After she was able to roll over and crawl, we'd put her to bed in her crib, which was next to our bed. When she woke up to nurse, we'd bring her into bed with us for the rest of the night.

Zari co-slept until she was around 18-20 months old. Once she reached about 18 months, we were ready for her to be out of our bed because she was a very wiggly sleeper. As in: one or both of us would be kicked in the head on a regular basis! We also were in France for the summer, and our accommodations necessitated that she sleep in her own room. Between having her own room, darkening the room with shutters (which are a staple in any French bedroom), and having a fan running, she started sleeping through the night for the first time ever (or waking up just once to nurse, which was a huge change from waking up every 2-3 hours to nurse).

When we came back home, we had to work on establishing this same pattern. I found the book The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers by Elizabeth Pantley extremely helpful. The No-Cry series has wonderful advice for parents who want to help their children sleep better, but who are not supporters of the "cry it out" technique.

Our current bedtime routine for Zari consists of the following:
  • Eric helps Zari go potty, brush her teeth, and put her pajamas on.
  • They read books together in her bed for 15-20 minutes.
  • Eric calls me in, and we say prayers together.
  • Eric leaves and turns the lights off, and I nurse Zari for a few minutes.
  • Zari and I snuggle and talk about what we did that day. I'll often sing to her or tell her stories as well.
  • I tuck her in, tell her I love her, and leave the room.
I'd love to say that she always goes to sleep right away at this point, but more often she'll start fussing and ask for us to come snuggle again. So usually each of us has to go in once or twice more and snuggle her for a few minutes.

Once Zari is asleep, she often sleeps the entire night without waking up. Perhaps 1/3 or 1/2 of the time, she wakes up once in the middle of the night and needs one of us to lay her back down and put her blankets on. I usually nudge Eric and have him do this, since I'm busy with Dio. We did have a rough period after Dio was born when she was waking up frequently and asking to go in our bed (and asking for me specifically) and would scream and thrash around irrationally if Eric was the one helping her out. Thankfully we're over that now.

I've included some excerpts from the No-Cry Toddler edition below:


Eight Sleep Tips For Every Child

The following sleep ideas are of value to almost any sleeper, regardless of age. These tips can bring improvement not only in your child’s sleep, but also in her daytime mood and, last, but certainly not least – improvements in your own sleep and outlook as well.

1. Maintain a consistent bedtime and awaking time seven days a week.

Your child’s biological clock has a strong influence on her wakefulness and sleepiness. When you establish a set time for bedtime and wake up time you “wind” your child’s clock so that it functions smoothly.

Aim for an early bedtime. Toddlers and preschoolers respond best with a bedtime between 6:30 and 7:30 P.M, and most children will actually sleep better and longer when they go to bed early.

2. Encourage regular daily naps.

Daily naps are important since an energetic child can find it difficult to go through a long day without a rest break. A nap-less child will often wake up cheerful and become progressively moodier, fussier or hyper-alert as the day goes on, and as he runs out of steam. Moreover, the length and quality of naps affects nighttime sleep – good naps equal better night sleep.

3. Set your child’s biological clock.

Take advantage of your child’s natural biology so that he’s actually tired when bedtime arrives. Darkness causes an increase in the release of melatonin, the body’s sleep hormone, and it is the biological “stop” button. You can help align your child’s sleepiness with his bedtime by dimming the lights in your home during the hour before bedtime. Exposing your child to morning light is like pushing a “go” button in her brain — one that says, “Time to wake up and be active.” So keep your mornings bright!

4. Develop a consistent bedtime routine.

Routines create feelings of security. A consistent, peaceful bedtime routine allows your active child to transition from the motion of the day to the tranquil state required to fall asleep. A specific before-bed routine naturally and easily ends with sleep.

An organized routine helps you coordinate the specifics that must occur before bed: bath, pajamas, tooth-brushing. It helps you to function on auto-pilot at the time of day when you are most tired and least creative.

5. Create a cozy sleep environment.

You may have never given much thought to where your child sleeps, but it can be one of the keys to better sleep. Make certain the mattress is comfortable, the blankets are warm enough, the room temperature is right, pajamas are comfy and the bedroom is welcoming.

6. Provide the right nutrition to improve sleep.

Foods can affect energy level and sleepiness. Carbohydrate-rich foods can have a calming effect on the body, while foods high in protein or sugar generate alertness, particularly when eaten alone. A few ideas for pre-bedtime snacks are: whole wheat toast and cheese, bagel and peanut butter, oatmeal with bananas, or yogurt and low-sugar granola.

Vitamin deficiencies that are due to consistently unhealthy food choices can affect a child’s overall health, including her sleep. Make your best effort to provide your child with a daily assortment of healthy foods.

7. Help your child to be healthy and fit.

Many children don’t get enough daily physical activity. Too much TV watching, coupled with a lack of activity amounts to a sedentary lifestyle – which prevents good sleep. Children who get ample daily physical exercise fall asleep more quickly, sleep better, stay asleep longer and wake up feeling more refreshed.

Avoid physical activity in the hour before bedtime, though, since exercise is stimulating and has an alerting effect – so they’ll be jumping on the bed instead of sleeping in it!

8. Teach your child how to relax and fall asleep.

Many children get in bed but aren’t sure what to do when they get there! It can be helpful to follow a soothing pre-bed routine that helps create feelings of sleepiness. A common component of the bedtime ritual is story time, and for good reason. A child who is listening to a parent read, or tell a tale, will tend to lie still and focus on the story. This quiet stillness will allow him to become sleepy.

Commit to working with these eight ideas and you’ll likely see improvements in your child’s sleep, and yours too.


  1. Thank you for sharing. We each take one of our girls and lay down with them at night until they fall asleep. It hasn't always been this way, but I've found that as my kids grow they need different routines. Have you found this to be the case?
    Kaia used to allow us to just simply lay her down, tuck her in, kiss her, and leave. So did Indigo.
    But more recently,they both like us there until the sleep.
    Also, the tips are great. But I do wonder: As a SAHM, I've found that my kids seem to prefer a bedtime more around 8:30 or even 9 and don't get up till about 8. This seems the case with my other SAHM friends, and I rarely know any to get their children to bed before them.

  2. PS. My last sentence meant to say "...get their children to bed before THEN". :)

  3. Yes, we also have a later bed & waking time. We start getting Zari ready for bed around 7:30 or 8. She sleeps until 8 or a bit later, so I actually like this timing better than an earlier bedtime where kids wake up at 6 am. Since during the school year Eric goes up to campus around 9 am, there's no reason for us to get up any earlier than 8.

  4. Oh, and we've gone through several different nighttime routines since we came back from France last summer. First, we'd do a bedtime routine, and then I would nurse her until she fell asleep. Then we had to transition to me snuggling her in bed (after she was done nursing) until she fell asleep. Then we had to transition to her falling asleep without having to have one of us in the room with her the whole time (occasionally we'll lay down with her until she falls asleep, but usually she gets too crazy/hyper/silly/chatty if we stay in the room with her). Each of these transitions took some time and had its share of frustration.

  5. i love the no cry sleep solution. i didn't know they had one for toddlers.

    i've found that the sleep separation technique worked especially well for my boys. although lately they keep each other from going to sleep. so they have to start off in separate rooms. then we switch our eldest over to his bed once they're alseep.

    although i have to say, there is never a true "no crying it out" way. there will always be some point where they will cry because it's not happening exactly the way they want it. like you mentioned her thrashing about and being unhappy.
    for us, we have to walk willem back to bed, and he hates that!!
    but i do find that book to be so gentle in it's parenting advice, which i love.

    the boys go to bed around 8pm. and will crawl into our bed around 6am, sometimes later. which i love. and then we all sleep until about 8-9am.

  6. This is good to read. I'm agonizing over what to do with Robin and our sleeping arrangements now that we're expecting #2. She's a pretty good bedfellow but I don't know if I can manage a toddler and infant in bed at the same time... I'll have to check out those books and see how it goes, I guess.

  7. Very cool to hear how others do things. Right now Eska (11 months) gets nursed to sleep around 9pm in the living room, then put in her crib which is in our bedroom. she wakes around midnight and I take her into bed with me. If she is snuggly we can stay together all night. But if she is scratching my belly button, chatting and crawling on our heads, Steve will rock her back to sleep and return her to her crib and she will sleep the rest of the night. Sometimes.

    Our 3 year old sometimes gets a special storytime, and sometimes (horrors!) gets to watch one special video, something super calm like Peter Rabbit on barely audible volume. All around 8:30ish. He takes a nap from 1 to 3 and we have tried not doing naps and he still gets up really early, we have tried everything, he just does. Its awful. If my kids slept till 8 am id be an incredible woman. I would be willing to have them stay up late if theyd sleep till 8.

    Our 5 year old has some hyperactive issues and if he doesnt get to bed early, he gets a second wind that is just horrific. Running around we get him to fall asleep around 7pm. This does not effect his waking time, he will always wake up very early. We have tried everything to get him to sleep in.

    8 and 11 year olds are sent to their bedroom at 9 and have to have lights out/silence by 10. they are very responsible and cool about this. They sleep in late sometimes but they usually regret it and feel sad that they missed their day so I get them up if they seem to be sleepy past 9. Sometimes they get to stay up later to finish a movie or special book.

    All the babies coslept with us until they were 9 to 11 months or so, then transitioned to a partial crib, partial sleep with us situation until...well, until i got pregnant or near delivery of the next baby!

  8. ...which is to say that no, we did NOT "co-sleep" with two babies. Even though I have put in years of tandem nursing, with (3 out of 5 births)c sections and a queen bed, me and my newborn were more than enough to try and navigate.


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