Tuesday, August 18, 2009

What did you say?

Reality Rounds has a great collection of things not to say to a pregnant woman: Take a Pregnant Pause, Before You Speak. The worst I ever encountered was when a woman warned me I could die if I gave birth at home. Not something you want to hear when you're seven months pregnant, especially from someone who hardly knows you.

If someone has ever said anything outrageous, silly, or rude to you when you were pregnant, in labor, or a new mom, hop on over to Reality Rounds and add your two cents!


  1. i was recently in the hospital for blood clots in my right lung. (both upper and lower lobes) and the young, blonde little ob that came in to keep checking on my baby kept telling me
    "you know, blood clots are the #1 killer of pregnant women in america"

    thanks. cause i need to hear that repeated. especially when i came into this place looking like death warmed over.

  2. A friend of mine, who is due the first week of October, was recently in a grocery store and a woman (total stranger) came up to her and said something like:

    "Oh, please tell me your pregnant and not just fat!"


  3. Hi Rixa,
    Thanks for your input. I never got the trying to scare a pregnant woman stuff. Unreal. Also, why do people feel it is OK to comment on the shape of a pregnant woman's body? Unreal, again.

  4. I like the never ending , "it must be twins! you're so huge!"...

    I got that at least 3x a week with every pregnancy. And I was perfectly average sized.

  5. I was planning my first VBAC (at hospital, with an OBGYN,followed all the rules). At a baby shower, a nurse friend took me aside and said, "I don't want to scare you, but you know you could die, right?" Next baby, I'd had enough of the attitude and skipped the hospital altogether.

  6. My water broke at 20 weeks 1 day. 6 hours after I entered the hospital, my son compressed his cord and passed away. When the perinatologist discovered via ultrasound that my son was gone and told us that, the next thing he said was, "you're young. You can try again."

    We are still using the same high risk center, but I have informed our perinatologist that I never, ever want to see that man again.

  7. I was at a birth where the parents refused constant monitoring in favor of intermittent monitoring (no meds of any kind were being used at that point), and had an OB come into the bathroom and yell at the parents about how the baby could become brain damaged and the ONLY way to tell is if the monitor was on....so they didn't want to hurt their baby, right?

  8. This is the exact topic of my upcoming edition of Rebirth Carnival next Sunday. Can't wait to see all the stories!

  9. and, ugh, veronica, that is one of my biggest pet peeves- pulling the whole dead/damaged baby card!

  10. Rixa,
    I just read the post you linked to in this post, and all I can say is at least she came to you and asked you privately, instead of talking about you behind your back. No matter how annoying and rude, at least she was trying to get her information from the source- you. At least she was trying. When we have stepped out of the fear culture surrounding birth, it can be hard to see where people are coming from when they are in it, and I'm sure in her way, she was trying to be helpful.

    Just trying to see both sides, because I totally get your side, and probably would have felt much the same way.

  11. I couldn`t believe the things people said to me when I was pregnant... unbelievable... one of my favorites was ...i can`t believe you`re waddling already... you`re not THAAAAAAT pregnant...

    Said to me 5 months in while i was struggling wiht Symphesis Pubis Dysfunction...and in an incredible amount of pain...

    Thanks for that... LOL :)

  12. On a more lighthearted note, once at church, a woman I knew just barely asked me "what are you having?" and when I said we hadn't chosen to find out the gender, she said "Ooh, turn around and let me see your butt!" Um, no. I can't see any reason to have near strangers staring at my rear end and guessing at the gender I wanted to be surprised with anyway!

    I also got a ton of really unkind comments when I was expecting baby #4 - all along the lines of "you know what causes this don't you?" and lots of unsolicited comments about how terrible it was to have so many kids. For pete's sake, I was in my 30s, happily married for years, and in the top 2% income-wise in the US, the baby was planned and desperately wanted - leave me the heck alone! (Not that anyone not in any of those positions shouldn't have babies, as I surely wasn't when my other children were born, but it just illustrates how anti-child some folks are if they object to another child even in the best of circumstances.)

  13. Oh God. Sunday some asshat I barely even know said to me, "So, now that you have your boy, are you finally done or do we need to get you fixed?"

    Seriously? I have three kids! That's not even a lot! As IF I got pregnant "just to have that boy" as if somehow my GIRLS aren't precious enough?!?!

    I won't even get into what it's like to have that coming out of the mouth of a woman who was in JAIL the last time I had a baby so I watched her 4yo son for a month every day, starting one whopping WEEK post-partum. The same woman who isn't even RAISING her two boys! Holy CRAP I wanted to slap her. I didn't. I was nice. But grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

  14. My fifth pregnancy was not planned and my second child has special needs and is pretty high-maintenance, plus of course I had the three other kids.

    My brother-in-law asked me why I kept having kids when Natalie has so many problems and that it isn't fair to her that I keep having kids, blah, blah, blah. Of course he's one of those people who think no one should have more than two kids so he would have complained even if NONE of my kids had special needs, ugh!

  15. Congrats on the Lamaze award!! I am thrilled for you!

  16. thank you for giving me a way to show my support for you and your work on my blog -- check me out.

    as for this current post: "wow, are you sure you're not having triplets?"

    is that supposed to be funny banter for, "wow you've gained a lot of weight this pregnancy", cause it's not funny. ever.

  17. almost forgot. at the end of my second pregnancy, some guy told me "wow... that's a HUGE belly on such a little woman."

    i didn't know what to say so i just said.. "uhhh i'll take that as a compliment."

  18. At my SIL's wedding when I was 33wks, my husband's stepmom said, " You'd better wear something really loose on the way home or they'll never let you on the plane."

    I went 41w3d with my second, who was a planned HB. In spite of knowing this, as soon as I hit 40wks, friends started asking me when I was going be induced.

    After proudly putting my HB birth story (which ended up being unassisted bc the baby came so fast) on my Facebook page, a friend commented, "That's why you should have a scheduled c-section."


  19. "Ooooo, you've already got that pregnant lady waddle going on."

    A male friend of mine who has a pregnant wife himself right now said that to me. He got a major stink-eye for that one, but what do you really say to such a thing? STFU, dude, I can still kick like the Karate Kid.

    The thing that made me the most irate is that I was about 5 1/2 months pregnant, and I was NOT and am not and do not 'waddle'.

  20. about waddling. and it was said jokingly by my husband...

    we were walking down the stairs together at my parents house, my husband carrying my son while I walked in front. From behind me I hear him start narrating March of the Penguins to my son.

    It was funny, but definitely not something to say to a pregnant woman. lol

  21. BornInWater8/25/09, 2:26 PM

    This was said to me at my baby shower, pregnant with my first baby.

    Coming from my sister-in-law:

    "So do you have hemmrhoids? I heard pregnant women get them."

    Said loudly, in front of everyone. Luckily, I could honestly answer "no, I eat lots of fiber." Heh.

  22. @ BornInWater --

    I wish I had the guts and presence of mind to say the first thing that popped into my mind when I read your comment -- namely, "SURE, YA WANNA SEE 'EM??" and pretend to start undoing your pants.

    Turn about is fair play. ;-) Not really, but it makes a fun joke.


  23. I was 38 weeks pg and looking huge and a lady asked me when I was going to be induced I said, "oh he'll come when he's ready" and she told me the story of how a girl had made it TO her due date, refused an induction, and the baby died (of course).


    AND.... that lady should know better, she had just had her 3rd child!!!!!


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