Tree of life chocolate tart

For the gathering last Sunday, hosted by some women from my church, I made a dark chocolate tart. I decorated it to look like a tree of life (or placenta, depending on which frame of mind you're in). The white chocolate was runnier than it should have been, so all of the intricate swirls flowed outward more than they should have. Oh well...it was still really delicious.

 I let Zari and Dio "decorate" the other tart. It looked...well...not so appetizing when they had finished. I swirled a knife through it a few times and it improved remarkably.

Here's the recipe, from the American edition of Larousse Gastronomique:

Dark Chocolate Tart:
4 oz (100 g) dark chocolate (60-70% minimum)
4 oz (100 g or 1/2 cup) butter
1/2 cup (50 g) flour
1/2 cup (100 g) sugar
3 eggs

Melt chocolate and butter together and stir. Add the other ingredients and mix until smooth and shiny. Bake at 350F in a greased & floured tart pan or round cake pan for 20 minutes. Let cool.

Ganache:
1/2 cup cream
3 oz (80 g) dark chocolate
1 Tbsp (10 g) butter

Bring cream to a boil and stir in chocolate and butter until fully incorporated. Spread on top of cooled tart.

Read more ...

You're invited to my Blessingway!

I hope you can be a part of my Blessingway! I've decided to host a virtual celebration before the baby comes. Then after the birth, I'll have a gathering at my house for friends and family to welcome the baby earthside.

I hope all of you can join in helping me prepare for this baby's arrival by sending a bead, a note of encouragement or wisdom, and something to decorate my birthing space. If you can't send something by mail, please email your contributions, and I will print them out for you. I'll be keeping everything I receive to put into a memory book.

Please send your blessings as soon as you can. I have a jewelry maker friend who's going to help me put the necklace together. I'm a day away from being 35 weeks--yikes!--so time is short for her to collect all the beads and then ship the finished product to me.

I hope you can all be a part of this celebration!

Read more ...

Blessingway flag

I've been sewing like crazy the past week or two. On top of about a dozen sling orders, I made myself two new slings--you can never have too many, right? One of my fun projects was creating this Blessingway flag for Gina, aka The Feminist Breeder. (I hope it arrived on time Gina!) I made it out of scraps from Inga's birth quilt.

Read more ...

Pregnancy update: 39 weeks

I feel fairly well-rested the past few days, for which I am incredibly thankful. I've been able to fall asleep and get back to sleep quickly when I wake up. I had a few narcoleptic moments recently, though. On Saturday I fell asleep at a birthday party that Zari and Dio were at (it was at a good friend's house and their couch was in a sunny place and I knew they wouldn't mind!). The kicker was at church this Sunday. I was so tired that I laid down right on the pew and slept all through Sunday school. My sister said, "good thing you don't care about social conventions."

Several people have commented that my belly looks different or that I've dropped, although I have never noticed "dropping" during any of my pregnancies. But I am starting to feel like I look huge (for me). When I see my side profile in the mirror, I do a double-take. I'll see if I can get a belly picture tomorrow.

I've gained somewhere between 18-24 lbs this pregnancy (I don't know my exact pre-pregnancy weight since I was in France and didn't have a scale). Pretty similar to my other two pregnancy gains of 26 lbs each time. I haven't seen any new stretch marks this pregnancy, but I also haven't been looking that closely either.

Other than the normal late-pregnancy pelvic looseness, I feel pretty good. Baby is still hanging out ROT, maybe a bit ROP at times because I feel a lot of movement in front. My midwife said the baby's head is tucked in super tight. I still have a hard time envisioning how all the parts fit together into an actual baby! I love seeing the belly mapping drawings like this one. This baby is active during the day and pretty calm at night. No complaints with that, since I've had so many sleep challenges the past few months.

We're supposed to have an unseasonably warm spell of 60 F (15 C) in a few days. If the baby can wait until then, I'd like to strip and refinish--outside and with a respirator of course!--the antique washstand & mirror that will become our bathroom vanity. Otherwise we might not have a bathroom sink for quite a while...

I also wanted to share pictures of a Blessingway tree I received in the mail, along with a pack of beads and their meanings from a group of friends at The Gift of Giving Life project. Some of the women include Felice of TGOGL, Sheridan of Enjoy Birth, Heather of Women in the Scriptures, and Buscanda of Birth Faith. Zari helped me hang the beads on the bonsai tree last night. I added a few beads of my own from Dio's Blessingway and from beads I sent to other women for their Blessingways.

Dio is fascinated with the beads

Read more ...

Don't procrastinate

Only one hour left until my Virtual Blessingway. Don't procrastinate any longer! Whether you're a long-time friend or long-time lurker, I'd love to hear from you.

Send your email now.

Read more ...

Blessingway

Yesterday didn't start very auspiciously--I only slept about 1 1/2 hours and was completely exhausted. But I dragged myself out of bed and started getting ready for my Blessingway. First we made cream cheese frosting. Zari and Dio each got to frost their own cupcake.

The frosting was really good.

I thought about making a belly-shaped cake, but decided to keep it simple. Simple but colorful. We dubbed it the "crazy rainbow cake."

I used this sour cream cake recipe with a few modifications: cut the sugar in half, added 1/2 tsp salt, doubled both baking power & soda, added 1/8 tsp orange extract and 1 tsp almond in addition to the vanilla. A double recipe made a bundt cake and 24 cupcakes.

True to form, I was painting woodwork for the bathroom until 15 minutes before the Blessingway! You can see a bit of paint on my left arm.

We had a snowstorm all day, so several people weren't able to come. I had chipped about 4 inches of ice and sleet off the sidewalks and front steps the day before, so I delegated the shoveling to Eric.

We started out with sharing a thought or poem or just words of encouragement. I gave a little history lesson about LDS blessing rituals for childbirth. I think it's important to remember and reclaim our history as women.

We took a break to eat snacks and cake. Then to the fun part: the quilting bee! Here's the quilt stretched on its frame. I made the 4 squares in the corners, plus the blank square on the upper right. After the baby is born, I'll embroider its name and birth date and applique its footprint on the blank square. I love how it turned out!

The quilt is made of cotton batiks, embroidered cotton, and silk dupioni. It's even more vibrant in real life. The squares were a mix of appliques and geometrical quilt blocks. Not surprisingly, I got lots of fish & ocean themed squares because of the blue fish batik...

We had a lovely time filled with conversation and girl talk. Just what I needed!

If you weren't able to make it because of the snow, or if you're a long-distance friend or blog reader, don't forget my Virtual Blessingway tonight at 8 pm EST!

Read more ...

Virtual Blessingway Invitation

You're invited to a

Virtual Blessingway

for Rixa Freeze 

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Imagine you're sitting in my living room at my Blessingway. It's your turn to speak or share a gift. Maybe it's a poem, birth story, photo, artwork, or labor mantra. Perhaps it's words of encouragement.

Email me (stand.deliver@gmail.com) what you'd like to share during my Blessingway before 8 pm EST on Sunday.

I will open your "gifts" at 8 pm. I will also print them out for encouragement during labor and for this baby's memory book.

I hope to see you there!
   

Read more ...

Birth quilt in progress

Here's the birth quilt pieced together. I am still waiting for 4 more squares before I can go any further (you know who you are!). Since I am a perfectionist and like things nice and symmetrical, I might make 4 additional squares so I can add two full rows, one on top and one beneath.
I made the large square in the middle. Notice the lifesize LOA baby with its head nicely tucked and the placenta high on the fundus. Just in case this baby needs some positive imagery! So who made the other squares? Clockwise, from the upper left:

• My older sister
• Jill
• Kelley
• My mom
• Jen
• Ellen
  
• My youngest sister. I had to laugh when I opened up her square. I guess our enthusiasm for Obama does show, eh?
• Joy aka Housefairy (I zig-zag stitched around your hearts to make sure they wouldn't fray in the wash--hope you don't mind!)
  
• Jenne
• My younger sister (the one with 3 kids, just found out #4 is on the way!). She made the applique to look like my placenta print from Zari's birth.
  
• Nutrition Momma
• Pamela aka Midwife: Sage Femme

I can feel the personalities of all these friends and family members through their quilt squares. I'm excited to finish the quilt. I'll probably hang it on the wall above Zari's bed.

Read more ...

Audre Lorde's "Forever with Child"

Now That I Am Forever with Child
Audre Lorde (1934-1992)

How the days went
while you were blooming within me
I remember____each upon each
the swelling changed planes of my body

and how you first fluttered____then jumped
and I thought it was my heart.

How the days wound down
and the turning of winter
I recall____you
growing heavy
against the wind.
I thought____now her hands
are formed____her hair
has started to curl
now her teeth are done
now she sneezes.

Then the seed opened.
I bore you one morning
just before spring
my head rang like a fiery piston
my legs were towers between which
a new world was passing.

Since then
I can only distinguish
one thread within running hours
you____flowing through selves
toward You.

Read at my Blessingway

Read more ...

Blessingway necklaces

These are two of the necklaces I made this weekend. The top one is made from beads that my guests brought. The bottom necklace was made from other beads that Julie had brought for putting together the Blessingway necklace (we were going to do it when all the guests were there, but we ran out of time). I love the tree of life medallion; it will always remind me of my Blessingway and my henna belly painting.

• The central clay bead that looks like a baby is from my midwife. It reminded her of some of the worries I had had about a breech baby. She expressed confidence that my baby, like this bead, will stay head-down.
• The mom, dad, and family beads are from my mom, to remind me of my family.
• The three matching red swirly beads, two square and one round, are from Julie. She said they reminded her of one of her favorite scriptures and its use of birth symbolism. From Moses 6:59: "and inasmuch as ye were born into the world by water, and blood, and the spirit, which I have made, and so became of dust a living soul, even so ye must be born again into the kingdom of heaven, of water, and of the Spirit, and be cleansed by blood, even the blood of mine Only Begotten."
• My sister and mom picked out the silver rose. They said it reminded them of a placenta and of a baby's head emerging. And one other thing, too, that I can't remember!
• The three green swirly beads are from my friend J. The oblong one in particular reminded her of the need to let things flow at birth.
• The speckled red & white bead is from A., one of the birth assistants. Her son found it years ago.
• The rough crystal bead is from D., another birth assistant. She has a degree in metalsmithing and looked through her collection of beads to find one that was as un-beadlike as possible. She said it reminds her that birth is not always in our control, yet it is always beautiful in its own way.
• The two round beads with moons and stars, and the square bead with white flowers, are from a friend A., who is also a colleague of Eric's, due any day now with her first baby.
• The brown & blue cylindrical bead is from another colleague & friend E. She teaches art history and specializes in African art. The bead is from Africa (can't remember which country at the moment) and is made from recycled glass.
• The blue-green bead with moons and stars is from my friend K., who is pregnant with her first, due a few weeks after me, and also seeing the same midwife. She picked it to express her hope that I will be able to be well-rested before labor begins. Something I really appreciate!
• The oblong, twisted bead and the silver footprint charm are from my sister. The first one reminded her of an umbilical cord, and she shared her wish that my placenta will release easily this time.

I also received two other beads. One was interlocking hearts from R., a woman from my church who had a cesarean, then a VBAC, then two home births. She said it reminded her of the fact that when you have a second child, your love grows big enough for both of them. I realized after I had finished the necklace that I forgot to put it on! Oops... The other bead was a beautiful, large handblown glass rectangle from C., another birth assistant. I'm making it into its own necklace.

Read more ...

LDS blessing rituals for childbirth

Several readers have asked to know more about the blessing rituals that LDS (Mormon) women used to hold as they prepared for childbirth. By time they reached the Great Basin in the late 1840s, LDS women frequently conducted washing, anointing, and blessing ceremonies in each others' homes; most often, this was done for a woman preparing to give birth. The practice lasted for about a century. I have found two articles that delve into the origins and eventual abandonment of these practices:

Linda King Newell. "A Gift Given: A Gift Taken: Washing, Anointing and Blessing the Sick Among Mormon Women." Sunstone Vol. 22 (1999): 30-43.

John Sillito and Constance L. Lieber. "'In Blessing We too Were Blessed': Mormon Women and Spiritual Gifts." Weber Studies Vol. 5.1 (Spring 1988): 61-73.

The modern Blessingway originated around the 1970s, when midwives used the Navajo Blessing Way ritual as inpiration for recreating a meaningful ceremony to honor a pregnant woman's transition into motherhood. Nowadays, secular Blessingways bear little resemblance to the original Navajo ceremonies.

I feel it's important to remember our spiritual and cultural practices that so often go forgotten. Until I came across these articles when I was a PhD student doing research for a history of medicine class, I had no idea that women of my own faith used to hold these kinds of gatherings. Below is an passage from pages 37-38 of the Sunstone article, parts of which I read at my Blessingway. The excerpts come from the minute book of the Oakley Idaho Second Ward Relief Society. Evidently they felt it was important enough to record word for word. As far as I can tell, this was written down around 1909.

The first two blessing follow each other closely with only minor changes in the wording here and there. The blessings were specific and comprehensive.

We anoint your spinal column that you might be strong and healthy no disease fasten upon it no accident belaff [befall] you, your kidneys that they might be active and health and preform [sic] their proper functions, your bladder that it might be strong and protected from accident, your Hips that your system might relax and give way for the birth of your child, your sides that your liver, your lungs, and spleen that they might be strong and preform their proper functions, . . . your breasts that your milk may come freely and you need not be afflicted with sore nipples as many are, your heart that it might be comforted.

They continued by requesting blessings from the Lord on the unborn child's health and expressed the hope that it might not come before its "full time" and that

the child shall present right for birth and that the afterbirth shall come at its proper time . . . and you need not flow to excess. . . . We anoint . . . your thighs that they might be healthy and strong that you might be exempt from cramps and from the bursting of veins. . .

The document combines practical considerations, more common to women's talk over the back fence, with the reassuring solace and compassion of being anointed with the balm of sisterhood. The women sealed the blessing:

Sister ___ we unitedly lay our hands upon you to seal the washing and anointing wherewith you have been washed and anointed for your safe delivery, for the salvation of you and your child and we ask God to let his special blessings to rest upon you, that you might sleep sweet at night that your dreams might be pleasant and that the good spirit might guard and protect you from every evil influence spirit and power that you may go your full time and that every blessing that we have asked God to confer upon you and your offspring may be literally fulfilled that all fear and dread may be taken from you and that you might trust in God. All these blessings we unitedly seal upon you in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

The tender attention to both the women's psychological and physical state is an example of loving service and gentleness. That this widespread practice continued in similar form for several more decades is illustrated by the account written by a Canadian sister.

In the years from the early 1930s on, in the Calgary Ward R.S. under presidents--Bergeson, Maude Hayes, Lucile Ursenbach, the sisters often asked for a washing and blessing before going into the hospital for an operation or childbirth. In this ordinance two sisters washed the parts of the body, pronouncing appropriate words of prayer and blessing, . . . and at the conclusion put their hands on the head of the recipient and, in the name of the Lord pronounced a further blessing.

Read more ...

Blessingway

I spent the morning and afternoon getting the house cleaned and ready for the Blessingway. I went outside and cut just about every daffodil in our yard and put them all around the house. I found these lovely peach and white daffodils on the east side of our house. I never knew they came in that color.

My friend Julie arrived in the afternoon with her 14-month old Joyce. She is a fellow LDS graduate student and home birther who lives about an hour and a half away. She found me via my blog a few months ago, and we started emailing and talking to each other. She's finishing her master's degree and just got accepted into a PhD program and will probably be focusing on some aspect of childbirth. We had arranged to meet in person at least three times before the Blessingway, but one or both of us had had to cancel each time at the last minute. So we saw each other in the flesh for the first time yesterday! It's good that we felt comfortable around each other, because one of the first things I did was strip down to a bikini and ask her to take some belly shots of me. She took some lovely ones, which I'll post soon.

Setting up chairs and chatting.

My friend Julie, turned away from the camera, talking with my midwife and a friend of mine (both of whom are pregnant). Julie on the left and my mom holding Julie's daughter. Zari kept asking to play with her today.

Once we were all sitting down, the guests took turns introducing themselves and describing how they knew me. There were several women I had met at church, some friends who are Eric's collegauges (or faculty spouses), the midwife and her four assistants/apprentices, my mom, my sister from Dayton, and my friend Julie, who organized the event.

Each of us also shared a favorite memory either of our own mothers, or of being a mother. Some were very poignant, some quite funny, others sweet and simple. My story was a recent one. A few weeks ago, Zari and I watched Eric play intermural indoor soccer. The teams were shirts vs. skins, so there were a lot of bare-chested men running around. Zari kept saying something with the phrase "little tiny." I finally turned closer to hear, and this is what she was repeating to me as she was watching the men play soccer: "He has little tiny breasts." I tried not to laugh as I told her, "yes, he does." Then she turned to me, patted my chest, and said, "Mama has big breasts." Best of all was when she pointed to a more...ahem...pudgy man and said very earnestly, "He has big breasts too."

Julie then invited my midwife to give a short thought/devotional. She talked about overcoming fear & pain in childbirth. Each of us spoke about things that had given us fear or anxiety during pregnancy or motherhood.

Next, we took a break to stretch our legs and feast on all of the delicious food my guests had brought. Then it was time to do a henna tattoo!Most everyone took turns drawing this tree of life design on my belly. I was quite impressed. Notice the knot hole on the tree (aka my belly button).

While we were doing this, I had my guests read cards and hold up the quilt squares that my out-of-town friends and family had sent in. If you are one of those who are still working on your squares, this is a friendly reminder to send it to me soon so I can put the quilt together!

To finish the evening, each of the guests presented me with a bead they had brought. Once I get the necklace put together, I'll take a picture and explain some of the symbolism behind the various beads. A fun project for this weekend.

I spoke about some of the blessing ceremonies that Mormon women did over 100 years ago as they prepared for childbirth. Julie concluded the evening by reading Audrey Lorde's poem "Forever With Child."

We were going to do a belly cast after the Blessingway, but my midwife thought that it would be best to wait a few days, since I still had wet henna paint all over my belly. Instead, we did a quick prenatal visit, and I spoke to her assistants about my expectations for their role at the birth. (I won't have all four of them at my birth, of course; it depends on which one is available when I go into labor.) I peeled the dried henna off this morning, and now there's a lovely pale red tree decorating my belly. I hope it lasts until the baby arrives!

Thanks to everyone who participated in my Blessingway. It meant a lot to me to feel your love and support.

Read more ...