We do it just to ruin your day

We lactating mothers just can't wait to bare it all. Because we're all exhibitionists at heart. And we want to ruin your day.

Sparrow-Folk have a go at breastfeeding in public in this song  "Ruin Your Day" from their debut album The Fox and the Lark.



About Sparrow-Folk:

Jules and Catherine first performed together in an improvised show and went on to play a fully improvised gig at a Chalk Board Tent in The Canberra Folk Festival in 2012. It was there the dream was hatched to start Sparrow-Folk. They began performing in backyards, at family events and even had a couple of small appearances at local venues like the Hellenic Club, and Smith’s Alternative Bookshop.

Recently, Sparrow-Folk was named the ACT winner of the ABC Exhumed competition for 2013, after playing to a packed crowd of 300+ at the Woden Southern Cross Club. They played live on 666ABC Canberra radio, and their songs have also been played on Triple J, though their premiere performance was under southern stars and a Hills Hoist.


Sparrow-Folk are passionate about music, women, fun and of course their fans, the ‘Nesties’. Their quirky style is aimed at bringing a smile through songs and commentary on the world around them.

Sparrow-Folk’s experience of the world comes through in their music; they bring whimsy, giggles, fun and sunshine through the ability to laugh at themselves and provide a real commentary on what it’s like to be women in 2013. They are both ridiculously serious, and seriously ridiculous.

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You're Doing It Wrong: Nursing Cover Edition

Thanks for your witty submissions for my nursing cover caption!

This one scored highest on my laugh-o-meter:

Close runner-up:

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The problem with nursing covers

On the surface, nursing covers seem to be the perfect solution for moms who want to breastfeed but are uncomfortable doing so in public. Moms can nurse "discreetly," passers-by aren't made uncomfortable by seeing a woman's breasts in action, and babies can eat when they're hungry. Nursing covers are often marketed as breastfeeding helps. According to some of the most popular nursing cover sites, they "allow you to breastfeed anytime, anywhere." You can "nurse discreetly and in style."

Are there any potential downsides to nursing covers? In this post I explore how nursing covers may do a disservice. Here are some of the reasons why:

1. You need to see it to learn it
In order to breastfeed successfully, women need to watch other women nurse their babies. A lot. They need to see how to hold a newborn, how to help them latch on, how to deal with those pesky arms, how to adjust an uncomfortable latch. They need to see it again and again, until those actions become so ingrained that they become second nature.

As I argued in my presentation at the 2011 Lamaze Conference, breastfeeding in a modern, Western context is like learning a foreign language. We no longer speak breastfeeding fluently. In earlier times, it used to be our mother tongue, but now most of us are second-language speakers. Hiding breastfeeding underneath a blanket keeps us from gaining fluency in this language. It's the equivalent of trying to become in French by reading textbooks, but never hearing spoken French or going to a French-speaking country. It is nearly impossible to become fully conversant in a foreign language without interacting with native speakers.

2. Caution: Keep Out
Nursing covers ghettoize breastfeeding by creating an artificial divide between public & private breastfeeding, then labeling public breastfeeding as inappropriate unless carefully hidden. They perpetuate shame and guilt for an essential, life-giving act. The cultural mandate to hide breastfeeding extends into private spaces; some women use nursing covers even in designated mother's lounges! Covers draw attention to an act that would otherwise be easy to mistake for holding a sleeping baby.

3. One (unnecessary) degree of separation
Nursing covers make breastfeeding unnecessarily complicated by placing a layer of fabric between the mother and her baby. This layer keeps mothers and babies from making eye contact and visually interacting. Many covers have attempted to compensate for this by incorporating a rigid band of plastic or metal band that arches the fabric away from the mother's chest and allows her to peek at her baby. It's a solution to a "problem" that doesn't need to exist in the first place.

4. Hiding hooters & covering udders
Nursing covers reinforce women's status--and their breasts in particular--as objects of sexual desire. (Hooter Hiders, anyone?) By hiding breastfeeding, they send a message that nursing a baby is the equivalent of a sexual act.

The photos below, taken from the Udder Covers website, show women in sexually alluring makeup and poses. This first photo shows a heavily made-up woman with false eyelashes, bleached hair, and an inviting, seductive expression. You could easily transplant her head onto the body of a Victoria's Secret model selling lingerie or swimwear.

This next picture shows models with whitened teeth, false eyelashes, and carefully groomed hair. It sends the message that showing skin is acceptable, as long as it is not in the context of breastfeeding. Bare shoulders? Fine. Cleavage? No problem. Breasts in action? No way. 

Sometimes nursing covers do not sexualize women; instead, they make them look entirely asexual.

I mean, who wants to wear an bib? That's so toddler. Even with a cute floral print.

5. The problem is cultural, not individual
Nursing covers hide the fact that disapproval of nursing in public is a cultural problem. Instead, the rhetoric of "covering up" frames breastfeeding as an individual person's issue that can be solved with the right product. (I'm not confident enough to nurse uncovered. I don't want to see women whip it out. Nursing is okay but I feel it should be discreet.) By keeping the focus on the individual, nursing covers keep us from seeing the issue as a cultural one.

6. Breastfeeding: The anti-porn
"But what if my 12-year-old boy sees it?" My response would be "Awesome! He'll have a healthier view of the female body by seeing breasts in their proper function." The pornographic view of breasts sees them as objects of male desire. A functional view of breasts--not hidden under a cover, not exposed with the intent to arouse sexual desire--sees them as objects that nourish and comfort.

Nursing covers ultimately aren't an aid to breastfeeding--they are a well-intentioned tool that inadvertently undermines breastfeeding. The solution to breastfeeding in public isn't to hide it under a bib; it's to make nursing so ubiquitous, so everyday, that the divide between nursing in private and nursing in public disappears. I long to live in a culture where there is no such thing as "nursing in public"--a place where breastfeeding is, simply, breastfeeding.

Reader Challenge:
This photo is begging for some awesome captions. The best caption gets the official Stand & Deliver seal of approval.

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Breastfeeding at the Museum of Motherhood

Nursing Inga before the BOLD 5th Anniversary Event at the Museum of Motherhood in NYC. More details coming later about the weekend...

(I thought about photoshopping the nursing bra out...but I love the juxtaposition of the mundane bra and the fancy dress. Inga kept trying to pull the beads off.)

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Undercover Mama

One of the things I hate about nursing in the wintertime is exposing my body to the cold when I lift my shirt up. I have a few winters tops with necklines low enough to pull down and "nurse from the top," so to speak. But most of my winter wardrobe is geared towards staying warm. That means a lot of high necklines and turtlenecks.

For that matter, I'm not a huge fan of lifting my shirt up even in the summertime. Especially right after I've had a baby, with all those postpartum folds and bulges!

So when I heard about Undercover Mama, my first thought was "brilliant! I've got to try one out." The Undercover Mama is a strapless tank that clips onto your nursing bra. It's a simple, yet genius, idea. After all, nursing tanks only fit the lucky few who have exactly the right bust size and shape. The rest of us have to stick with our nursing bras.

The Undercover Mama solves this problem, allowing you to wear your own bras and turn them into a nursing tank. This means that any shirt can become a nursing shirt, no matter the fit or style. Here's how it works: You put on your bra, then the Undercover Mama (which is like a tank top, minus the straps), and clip the hooks onto the part of your nursing bra that folds down.

Here's what it looks like partially unclipped:

I contacted Undercover Mama to see if they'd let me review their product. They were happy to send me one. They also let me know a bit more about the company's origins and founders. Elisa came up with the idea and partnered up with Elena, a childhood friend, to bring Undercover to the world in 2010. Here's Elisa's story:

Shortly after the birth of my fourth child, I became frustrated with the lack of options I had for nursing wear. I didn't want to buy a whole new wardrobe to feel comfortable while nursing. I was aching to get back into my regular, everyday clothes. The problem I faced was when I pulled my shirt up to nurse in public I was left with my back, side and belly partially exposed; not something I loved showing off, especially after having a baby. I wanted something to keep my skin "undercover", but I didn't want to deal with more clasps, flaps, etc. to dig through and do back up each time I nursed my baby. When I didn't find what I was hoping for, I designed it myself. I continued to make changes and improve it and realized how much I enjoyed wearing it. I thought just maybe other mamas out there were looking for a solution to the same issues I had faced. After many months of research and testing, Undercover Mama was born. I hope it helps you to be more comfortable so you can more fully enjoy the wonderful experience of nursing.

The Undercover Mama is soft, super stretchy (5% spandex and 95% cotton), and plenty long. It goes far down over the hips, giving ample coverage over the waist and hip areas. You generally order a size smaller than your regular shirt size. I usually wear size medium, so I ordered a small. It easily stretched (albeit snugly!) over my large pregnant belly. If you like a looser fit, you can go with your normal shirt size.

The Undercover Mama comes in 7 different colors, from size S to XXL. You can order it online or at any of these store locations.

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Birth Around the World: Nursing in public around the world

To start off the Birth Around the World series, I'm featuring a feature written by a mother of three. From Lesotho to Uruguay, Germany to Mexico, in front of ambassadors to kings, she has nursed anywhere and everywhere. 

This was originally published at Lactivist Leanings and is reposted with permission. 

A Breast With a View: NIP Around the World

I am lucky enough to have a job that allows me to travel around the world with my family, and as a nursing mother of three children, I have lived in Uruguay, Mexico, the United States, and Lesotho. Along the way, we have traveled as a family all across those countries, plus we have taken trips to Argentina, South Africa, Germany, and Poland. I’m one of those nurse-anywhere-anytime kind of moms, not only because that’s the best way to meet my nursling’s needs, but also because as a practical matter, nursing is often the quickest and easiest way to keep my nursling quiet and happy. Since "quiet and happy" is most people’s idea of how a child should behave in public, my breastfeeding then allows everyone to win. My child and I enjoy all the benefits of going out and about in whatever town we’re living in, while everyone around us does, too.

As I have traveled the world, breastfeeding in churches, museums, restaurants, and parks, on trains, planes, and boats, around local celebrities, ministers of government, ambassadors, and even a king (Letsie III of Lesotho!), I have found that nurturing my child at the breast has helped me cross many cultural divides. Whether it was the warm memory of a Basotho man as he told me how fondly he remembered nursing until he was 5 years old, or the big grin of the Tarahumara mother who couldn’t speak to me in Spanish but could point to her nursling as we crossed paths, or the tears of a new mother at a La Leche League meeting learning that she isn’t the only one who has struggled with working and pumping, the common factor of breastfeeding helped me to build a bridge with these strangers and revealed how much we had in common under the more apparent differences of our life circumstances.

On the more prosaic level, breastfeeding around the world, and doing it in whatever public I happen to be in at the time, has provided me with some great memories – and good stories! Here are some of my favorites:

• My daughter went on her first horse ride at 11 months, Riding a horse across the Uruguayan countryside with DH and some friends – DD was 11 mos old, strapped to me with the sling, and when she got fussy I just turned her around and nursed her. As she nursed off to sleep, I learned that the gentle gait of a horse was far better than a rocking chair for getting this chronic sleep-fighter to go down for a nap. Too bad our yard wasn’t big enough for a pony!

• While visiting the ski town of Zakopanie, Poland, we took a cable car to the top of a mountain. The cold and wind were biting up there, and after a freezing 15 minutes, my 14 month old son had had enough. We scrambled to get back on the next cable car down, but he kept on screaming even once we got out of the cold. I quickly latched him on and then gasped – those were some icy lips!

• The one and only time I tried to nurse with a cover over my daughter’s head, she was four months old and just coming out of a week-long nursing strike. We were in a tiny barbershop in Virginia waiting for my husband, and I was a little freaked out by the close proximity of tons of mirrors and the other customers. Thinking it would help my daughter focus on the breast, and keep me from inadvertently exposing the mirror image of my nipple, I pulled out a blanket and draped it over her head. She immediately started flailing and screaming, and while everyone stared at the spectacle we were now making, I thought, “So much for discreet.”

• My older son was 18 months old when we visited Teotihuacan, the ancient pyramids outside of Mexico City. It was hot, he was tired, and he decided that the best time for a nap was in the sling as we walked around. Did I mention he was teething his canines at the time and napping was only done while nursing? I ended up climbing the Pyramid of the Sun, all 248 steps of it, with him latched on, and to this day, my husband thinks I’m a superhero for that feat.

• We moved to Lesotho when my younger son was 3 months old. It seemed I couldn’t do anything by local mothering standards. My son simply wasn’t dressed warmly enough (in the 80 degree heat) and I was told by more than one older lady in the grocery store that surely my ring sling was hurting him. But the first time I nursed in public, in church on Christmas morning, all the comments stopped, and all around me were warm smiles, friendly handshakes, and a knowing, “Isn’t breastfeeding a wonderful thing?”

• Nursing at home can become nursing in public when you have company over. It never occurred to me that I had anything to worry about breastfeeding in my own living room until a Uruguayan friend came over. Doing the usual greeting, he leaned down to kiss me while I nursed my daughter – and then he leaned over even further and kissed her little cheek, too, full of milk!

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High-res images (updated)

Below are several high-resolution images of the 1871 LDS Sacrament Meeting I posted about a few days ago. The last two come from the original illustration and explanatory text in Harper's Weekly, Sep 30, 1871.

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Breastfeeding history moment: LDS Sacrament Meeting, 1871

My sister-in-law (remember her from her birth story Failure to Progress or Failure to be Patient?) took this picture for me at the LDS Church History Museum. It's an illustration from Harper's Weekly of an 1871 Sacrament Meeting in the Mormon Tabernacle in Salt Lake City, Utah.

The Harper's Weekly text reads:

The double-page illustration which we give this week shows the administration of the "Sacrament," large pewter vessels, of which several may be seen in front of the pulpit, being used for the purpose. All present, men, women, children, and babies in arms, partake.

On the left side, you can see two women breastfeeding. (Click on images for a high-res version.)

From this illustration I learned several things about the culture and practice of breastfeeding at this time (late 1800s), place (Utah), and culture (Mormon):

1) Public breastfeeding was accepted as normal in mixed company and during worship services.
2) LDS women breastfed in public without a cover or blanket.
3) The norms of dress at the time meant women unbuttoned their dresses at the chest area to nurse. In the closeups below, you'll see dress opened, exposing the nursing breast.

The illustrator seems familiar with the techniques of breastfeeding (or was just good at reproducing what he/she saw). Notice the woman supporting her breast while her baby nurses, something I often do myself.

The engraving originally appeared in Harper's Weekly.Text describing the illustration is on the upper left column.

Other posts about nursing & LDS culture:
Breastfeeding History Moment: Mormon Handcart Pioneers
Breastfeeding in Church

Other people's posts on this topic:
Breastfeeding at church: now and then at Life Inspired
Breastfeeding and LDS Church at Improves With Age
Several posts from TopHat: Modesty and Breastfeeding, Sacrament Meeting 1871,  & Inquisition Monday

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Breastfeeding and eye contact

TopHat wrote a great post about how to be comfortable around breastfeeding. Her comment about eye contact was particularly insightful:

Like a friend of mine said, "It's like when you're with a friend at an ATM--do you try to look away when they put in their pin or do you continue facing them in conversation?" I was afraid that the mom would be nervous if I was looking at her. Would she be uncomfortable if her baby popped off and I saw a millisecond of nipple? I realized something though: if she's comfortable to be breastfeeding in front of you, then she's comfortable with whatever you might happen to see, so just keep talking and enjoying yourself. Would you turn away if she was handing the child pieces of fruit or crackers?

Before I had a child, I remember having the same thoughts myself: where do I look? do I try and act casual and pretend I don't notice at all? do I make a comment about her nursing (positive one, of course, but it would draw attention to the fact)? Once I had a nursling of my own, I got so used to seeing & doing breastfeeding that I never had to think about the eye contact question again.

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Fight the Frump!

Thanks to Jane at What About Mom for sending me this link about how to Fight the Frump--Nursing in Style.

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When Nursing in Public Was Normal

This recent blog post "When Nursing in Public Was Normal" has some photographs of American women nursing in public in the 1930s and 40s. (Is the second one a Dorothea Lange? It sure looks like it). This blog post has another version of the 1943 photograph. I wonder how acceptable/visible nursing was during those decades. I know breastfeeding rates were quite low by mid-century. Are those pictures the rule or the exceptions? When did "covering up" become a social expectation? More questions than answers...

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Fun in Arizona

I've been having a blast visiting my friend Jen in Arizona. We went to the Applebee's nurse-out last night with over 100 other people. Even though the sun had set, it was still over 100 degrees! There were several television stations and reporters present. Zari and I made it on channel 5 news last night (twice, if you watch carefully!), and we're on their website too if you click on the breastfeeding feature! We also made it onto the local Fox news. I've also found some newspaper articles about our protest from the Arizona Central and the East Valley Tribune. Note the preponderance of ignoramuses on the AZ Central comments section. Sigh...breastfeeding is not like having sex in public, or like smoking in public, or like peeing in public. It is a legally protected right.

Jen & I (and babies!)

Brief editorial comment: asking a woman who is breastfeeding in public to leave or cover up is analogous to asking an African-American person to please sit in the back of the bus, because someone else is offended by their presence in the front. It doesn't matter how much someone is offended; all citizens are legally protected against racial discrimination. As are breastfeeding mothers. End of discussion. Doesn't matter how much you dislike it, it's against the law to prevent a mother from breastfeeding in public.

We hit the thrift stores yesterday--Goodwill had a 50% off sale on everything in their stores--and I found several nice outfits and pajamas for Zari, plus a pair of sandals and a small backpack. I also found this hiking baby backpack at a consignment store. Zari really likes it, enough to fall fast asleep in it while we were making double chocolate cookies from my all-time favorite chocolate cookbook I Want Chocolate! (ps--you can search for the recipe on Amazon. I don't usually add the milk chocolate chips; I find that the cookies are plenty intense and chocolatey without them.)

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Nurse-in at Applebee's

I will be participating in a national nurse-in on September 8th to protest a Nicholasville Road Applebee's in central Kentucky forbidding a woman to nurse her baby in the restaurant, unless she used a blanket to cover up. This request is specifically contrary to state law.

If you want more information about joining or organizing a nurse-in, you can join this new Yahoo group.

To read more about the incident, here are a few links:
The mom's story featured in a local newspaper
A description of the incident written by the mother at Mothering.com
The Lactivist has also covered the incident.

Beware the wrath of nursing mothers!

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Someone's got a bee in his bonnet

Just when you thought breastfeeding in public was finally becoming a non-issue, we get articles like this one:

Making Milk Public Controversy.

Sheesh. Take a chill pill.

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Oh Boy

I've got a bee in my bonnet over this incredibly myopic article about breastfeeding: "Nursing Mothers Don't Appeal to Everyone."

Here's a summary of his opinions (taken from one of the comments to the article):

1) "I don't like the way you eat, so you should eat in the bathroom."
2) "Mother's milk is like poop."
3) "Only brown people in third-world countries breastfeed."
4) "Some nursing mothers were rude to me after I gave them dirty looks."

I have lots of adjectives swimming around in my head to describe this man's attitude, but I had best not post them in a public forum.

I can't wait until Hathor the Cow Goddess gets her hands on this one.

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Thoughts on "Shame"

I was quite surprised by the level of emotion that post evoked, and I wanted to share some more of my thoughts.

First, I regret that it turned a bit into a rag on my mom. I was worried that would happen and almost didn't publish that post for that very reason. My mom is really an extraordinary woman. Anyone who can double major in English and biology, commute 4 hours a day on public transportation, and be pregnant at the same time deserves applause. I should have been more careful in how I worded my post. (Mom, if you're reading this, I'm glad you're reading my blog and I am sorry if some of the discussion veered away from its original path.)

Second, let me summarize some fascinating questions the discussions raised:

• Does nudity always have the potential to become pornography? In other words, is pornography in the eye of the beholder, or in the eye of the creator?
  
• Is breastfeeding openly in public a sexual (ie, provocative, inappropriate) act? And why does our society see it as such?
  
• Does covering up reinforce the taboo on breastfeeding? Do you prefer to cover up or not? Is covering up being prudish? respectful? etc...
  
• What are the dangers of posting intimate pictures, such as ones of breastfeeding and birthing, on the internet? Several comments alluded to such dangers, but only in a general fashion.
  

I, for one, will continue to breastfeed "indiscreetly." I feel quite strongly that masking the act with a blanket reinforces the notion that it is something to hide, something inappropriate for public view. I also think that covering up draws more attention to the act, than simply nursing openly.

The first memory I have of "indiscreet" breastfeeding is when I visited Germany in 9th grade. My host mother lifted her shirt and nursed her baby. At one point that baby bit her, and she said something like "ouch, that hurt!" (in German of course). The other family members acted very matter-of-fact, even though you could see her breast. After a few seconds, I was like "okay, that's what they're for anyway, I'm cool." And that was that. I took my cue from the others around me; since they seemed completely unfazed by the sight of an exposed breast, I learned to do the same. Voila! Another public nurser was born.

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Shame

While we were sitting around the dinner table on Christmas Eve, we got onto the topic of my blog. My siblings have read it and commented occasionally, but I don’t think my mom has ever read my blog. When I had asked her why not, she made comments like, “I don’t like blogs.” But that evening, she told me the real reason why she hasn’t read it—she thinks that the pictures I posted are inappropriate. She is ashamed that I have made them public and refuses to look at my blog because she can’t stand the thought of others seeing things that should be “private and sacred.” Another person at the table remarked that “anyone could take those pictures and put them on a porn site.”

Those pictures. What are they referring to, anyway? I they assume mean the picture of me and Zari immediately after the birth, and the three nursing pictures I have posted.

I agree that birth is a very private, sacred event. That’s exactly why I chose to give birth with no one but my husband in attendance, and even he remained in the other room until I called him in at the very end. But sharing my experiences does not detract from the beauty of the experience. I want others to read my story and know why I chose this path.

In addition, I find the picture of me holding my freshly-born daughter incredibly beautiful and inspiring. Whenever I look at it, I feel the elation and joy all over again. To say that this picture is degrading—simply because there is nudity—is like equating Michelangelo’s “David” or Mary Cassatt’s “Mother and Child” with an x-rated video or centerfold. Nudity does not pornography make.

For being completely naked, I expose remarkably little in that picture. All you can really see is one breast, camouflaged by blood smears. Everything else is covered by the baby or in shadow.

And don’t even get me started on breastfeeding being considered objectionable!

I am sad that my mom cannot see beyond the images. I don’t think she has ever read my birth story, and I wonder if she ever will. This blog contains intimate, heartfelt posts about things that are the most important to me--things that are part of my core identity as a woman and a mother.

So, dear readers, would you be ashamed if your own daughter posted similar pictures? Please share your thoughts.

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Nurse Here Now

I just came across the Nurse Here Now site. I would like to add a resounding "AMEN!"


I breastfeed openly whenever Zari needs to eat. So far, I have nursed:

• In the hospital lobby waiting to get her PKU test done
• On a display couch in World Market. When I said I was going to nurse her, Eric said, "But what if they ask you to leave?" I said, "Then they better be prepared for a nurse-in and national publicity about kicking a breastfeeding mother out of their store." Fortunately I got no hassles there. I give the couch an A+ after its test run. It was very comfortable.
• While watching Casino Royale at the movie theater. She was an angel!
• At the annual holiday dinner for the liberal arts college where Eric works
• At a humanities division social
• In the pews during our church's sacrament meeting
• In the lobby of our church during the meeting (she was being loud and fussy) and after church, when everyone was milling around
• During our church's Christmas party & dinner, while I was eating. Talk about multi-tasking, eh?
• At various church youth functions (I am involved with the teenaged girls)

When I was shopping at the mall a few days ago, I saw those leather massage recliners you pay to use. I soooo wanted to nurse there, but Zari wasn't hungry. Maybe next time.

It's fine if women want to cover up, but I don't and I won't. Sorry Mom, but I will not force my daughter to endure the indiginity of eating with a blanket over her head. My mom is a big proponent of breastfeeding, but thinks that women ought to cover up while in public.

By the way, I really really really want this Breastfeeding Goddess Calendar. Hint hint for you procrastinators out there! Also, here are links to more of her breastfeeding and cesarean artwork.

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